PSA: Try Not To Offend Anyone With Your Halloween Costume

Halloween falls on a Saturday this year, which rightfully gives you license to really get after it, costume-wise. The parties will be plentiful. The streets will be full of grown adults dressed like sexy zombie Minions and Donald Trump’s hair, wandering the blocks of your city or town, shivering in late autumn’s brisk cold and stiff breezes. If you’ve already got your costume together, congratulations. I’m sure it’s lovely. I’m sure it’s well-executed. I’m sure it’s something topical or classic, but easily recognizable and definitely not racist, right? Let’s be clear: Halloween is a time for putting on masks, running around your city like you own it and eating KitKats for breakfast. It’s not an excuse to be racist or offensive.

We’re sure you’re already aware of this fact and it seems silly to have to remind grown adults, but if your costume is offensive, maybe don’t wear it out of the house. If your costume includes blackface, definitely don’t even leave your bathroom. Stay there. Think about what you’ve done. Think about the choices you’ve made in your life that have led you to this moment, the moment you were smearing dark brown makeup on your not-previously-brown-face, leaving the house and acting like that’s an acceptable thing to do in 2015.

“But, how will I properly pay homage to Michelle Obama/Beyonce/Rihanna/Drake/Serena Williams?” you ask as you stand in front of your mirror, ready to take the night. Here’s your answer: wear precisely what you’re already wearing, minus the paint on your face, and tell people what you are if they can’t figure it out. It’s easy! It’s inoffensive! It’s a surefire way to enjoy your Halloween and avoid making anyone angry.

A solid Halloween costume is comfortable, recognizable from at least a block away, and can withstand crowds and vast quantities of other people’s beer-splash. You can achieve all of these things without being offensive. Give it a shot. Go out into the world on Saturday dressed as an upwardly-mobile ghost or as your mom’s tuna casserole or Dora The Explorer. Be the person/place/thing you’ve always dreamed of being, but please, don’t be racist.