Justin Bieber Wants You To Know That He’s “Sorry” In His New Video

Justin Bieber is sorry. He’s sorry for his terrible, god-awful, no-good tattoos. He’s sorry that he spent the tail end of his teen years being a total dick. He’s sorry, sort of, that you all saw his giant wang. He’s sorry his dad is a fucking creep. He’s sorry that his hair looks the way it does. He’s sorry that he cried at the VMAs while being lifted into the air and then dropped back down again, like a minor deity in drop-crotch pants. He’s sorry that you are now unabashedly into his music, after years of dismissing him as a YouTube anomaly scouted by a weirdo named Scooter from Connecticut. He’s sorry that he was (probably) a bad boyfriend to you, Selena Gomez. He’s sorry that you had to wait so long for his eventual musical maturity. He’s sorry that he dropped this three-flames-and-one-shooting-star emoji summer jam  on a Thursday in October instead of a Friday in July, because now all you want to do is practice your wine in the mirror wearing a crop top.  He’s sorry that this song is a such a banger.

Apology accepted.