Beyoncé Will Probably Be Beyoncé For Halloween
Beyoncé, flawless alien lifeform descended upon earth to slay the masses, is on the cover of BEAT magazine. She looks great. Like, really great. Look how great! Ryan McGinley did a solid job of plopping her in a field of lavender in the Hamptons and letting her do her thing.
For reasons the world will never understand, Beyoncé actually spoke out loud to a reporter for this cover story, which is more than she did for Vogue, which is neither here nor there. In this interview, in which a normal human actually spoke to Beyonce, we learned that she sings contemporary gospel in the shower and enjoys jalapeños on her pizza [OMG ME TOOOOOOO!!! — Amelia], like anyone with a taste for the finer things. She also provided all of you with your new motto for the rest of this year and beyond.
What does fear taste like?
Success. I have accomplished nothing without a little taste of fear in my mouth.
Yes! Yes. Fear is nothing but nature’s best motivator. This is a softball question, intended to drum up the weakest of answers, pitched right over home plate and lobbed out of the park. But, in the strangest question asked of a celebrity — a real waste of a moment, if you ask me — the interviewer asked Beyonce what version of herself she’d be for Halloween.
“Destiny’s Child Survivor era with the army fatigues. Or maybe Bootylicious with the gold tooth and pink tips in my hair.”
What kind of a question is that?! Why would you ask someone who is so clearly operating on a different plane of existence than you, what version of themselves they’d be for Halloween? Beyoncé’s evolving, man. She’s moving forward in time. She might be living in next week while we’re still sifting through the dregs of this one. It’s a decent answer — “Bootylicious”-era Beyoncé neatly bumps up against “Solider”-era Beyoncé — for a stupid question.
Respect the fact that you were speaking to a time-travelling, future-thinking being, sir. Do better.