AHH HAPPY INTERNATIONAL ALL CAPS DAY AHHHH
Hello. Today is INTERNATIONAL ALL CAPS DAY, the holiday tailor-made for those older relatives who haven’t figured out how to turn off that iPhone setting and people who REALLY LIKE TO SHOUT AT OTHER PEOPLE on Facebook.
Surprisingly, this is not some fake internet holiday made up by some marketing company – but it’s not that old either, so that makes it a tiny bit fake. According to the Daily Dot, INTERNATIONAL ALL CAPS DAY was invented by Iowa-based programmer Derek Arnold, who said:
“The era of smartphones and new keyboard layouts (see the Google Chromebooks as an example) is troubling. There could be a generation of sub-millennials who don’t even know they can type using only capital letters without holding down a shift key. The file compression benefits of all-caps vs. mixed case alone is something like 212 percent.”
WE ARE IN TROUBLE. PLEASE ADVISE. SWEET MERCY. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.
Today is the one day of the year where you have a decent excuse to scream at someone online about something stupid. You actually have the receipts to back it up. When your sister asks you why you’re asking her to BUY CAT FOOD PLEASE in that tone, you can back yourself up.
DON’T LET THE CAPS LOCK KEY SLIDE INTO OBSOLESCENCE.
THE ALL CAPS COMMUNICATION MODEL IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT.
YOU HAVE TO USE IT WHEN YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT: BEYONCE; THAT PERSON YOU HAD SEX WITH THAT HAD THE GROSSEST BALLS YOU’VE EVER SEEN; COWORKERS; WHOEVER FARTED IN THE BATHROOM.
HOW ELSE WILL YOU E-COMMUNICATE YOUR ANGER/HAPPINESS/DISGUST/FRUSTRATION WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU SOMETHING IRRITATING/AMAZING/REPULSIVE/ANNOYING?
WHAT WILL YOUR MOM DO WHEN SHE FIGURES OUT THAT YOU CAN UNLOCK THE CAPITAL LETTERS AND NO LONGER HAVE TO YELL AT YOU ABOUT WHAT TIME YOUR TRAIN GETS IN?
ALL CAPS EVERYTHING is a fine way to proceed for today and a national holiday has your back.
ALL CAPS EVERYTHING. SHOUT IT OUT. RETURN TO HUSHED TONES TOMORROW, TODAY IS YOUR DAY TO SHINE.