WTF?: Mike Huckabee Thinks Replacing Prison With Slavery Is A Swell Idea

Mike Huckabee–a very strict Constitutionalist–has some interesting ideas about how to reform our criminal justice system. And by interesting, we mean “HOLY FUCK GOD NO! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN GO THERE? WHAT? HOW??”

In a chat with Iowa talk radio host Jan Mickelson, Huckabee suggested that perhaps instead of sending people who steal to jail, we either have them pay 2, 3 or 4 times restitution, or if they can’t pay restitution…sell them into slavery until they pay their debt. Like the Bible says.

Via ThinkProgress:

Host Jan Mickelson began by bemoaning that the “criminal justice system has been taken over by progressives.” In order to fight back, he argued, conservatives should look to the biblical Book of Exodus. “It says, if a person steals, they have to pay it back two-fold, four-fold,” Mickelson explained. “If they don’t have anything, we’re supposed to take them down and sell them.”
Mickelson went on to argue why jails, which he claimed are a “pagan invention,” are inferior to slavery: “We indenture them and they have to spend their time not sitting on their stump in a jail cell, they’re supposed to be working off the debt.”
“Wouldn’t that be a better choice?” the host asked.
“Well, it really would be,” Huckabee replied without missing a beat. “Sometimes the best way to deal with a nonviolent criminal behavior is what you just suggested.”

Nope. Nope. I am going to say that across the board, selling human beings is a poor idea. It is not an OK thing to be comfortable with. At all. For any reason. If you are even a halfway decent human being, someone says “What if we sold human beings?”–you run far, far away and never speak to that person again. Because that is a fucked up thing to say. Who even wants to own a person? Does Mike Huckabee want to own a person?

In the rest of the interview, Huckabee goes on to talk about how “liberals” have supposedly made a mess of the U.S. prison system by putting people there to punish them rather than only to keep society safe from them. Which is not the case, at all, for any reason. It’s actually pretty much always been the conservatives that have been all about the punishment aspect of prison. They’re the ones who huff and puff when we suggest that prison should be rehabilitative, who say we need longer sentences and the death penalty as a deterrent.

But more importantly, Mike Huckabee, a human being who exists in the 21st century and is running for President of the United States, is suggesting we sell poor people who steal things into slavery. Because it is in the Bible.

Now, it also says in the Bible that fathers can sell their daughters into slavery, and proscribes intricate rules for when that occurs.

When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl’s owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment.–Exodus 21:7-11

So does Mike Huckabee have plans for selling his daughter Sarah into slavery? Should my father be allowed to sell me into slavery? Does Mike Huckabee approve of polygamy in the context of selling one’s daughter into slavery? Does he approve of slavery in all the ways approved of in the Bible, or just as it pertains to poor people who steal things? I have so many questions!