Would You Dump Your Boyfriend For Getting A Happy Ending?

Rumor has it, Taylor Swift and her boyfriend-of-a-minute, Calvin Harris, have broken up. Who cares right? You’re probably still trying to figure out who Calvin Harris even is besides a younger, cuter version of Chris Martin. But the reason Taylor dumped Calvin is what makes this gossip item worth more than a second of your time – according to Radar, the pair’s unhappy end came after Calvin got himself a happy ending. Apparently Calvin has his own masseuse on his staff, so Taylor’s alarm bells went off when she saw pics of him leaving the Thai massage parlor, but it was his BS excuse that made her fed up:

“When the photos got posted on RadarOnline, Taylor said to him, ‘What the f**k?!” the insider said. But rather than come clean about what really happened, the insider claimed, “He lied to her. He gave some bullish*t excuse that his masseuse was sick and he needed his shoulder worked on. That wasn’t good enough for Swift, 25, who gave him the boot for good “about a week ago,” according to the source.


I don’t know if Calvin Harris got a hand job from a random masseuse, but I do think it’s definitely suspicious that a guy worth $110 million (what? how?) would get a massage at a place with a neon sign that’s located in a strip mall. Was Bliss all booked? Come on now.

But anyway, I don’t care that Calvin Harris probably got ween wanked, though I sure fucking hope he tipped the woman well. What I do want to know is whether or not you would consider a happy ending a dealbreaker? If you discovered your significant other had thrown in an extra $20 to get his dick diddled by a random masseuse, would you dump him?

Speaking for myself, I don’t consider cheating to be an automatic game-ender, necessarily, nor do I look down on sex workers of any sort, so I don’t think I would consider a professional and paid hand job to be any better or worse of a betrayal than a free handy from a random chick. But I must admit, I think I would have some trouble with this one, as there’s something so … sad about it. Pathetic even. Hand jobs are so dumb! I’d venture to guess that even the most professional hand job is still not as good jerking it yourself. So my feelings toward my boyfriend would be along the lines of “Wait, really? You risked our relationship in order to park your car in a strip mall parking lot, sneak into a cheap massage place with a neon sign on the door and get your penis fondled by a woman who’s playing Candy Crush Soda on her iPhone with her other hand? You were willing to throw what we have away for the pleasure of having your cum mopped up with a single-ply paper towel?” Like, I don’t think I would be angry so much as embarrassed. For him. Whether I could get past that? I don’t know. Hopefully I don’t ever have to find out.

Anyway, WHAT SAY YOU? Let’s debate this deeply serious topic in the comments. [Radar]