Michelle Duggar’s Hottest Sex Tip Will Make You Want To Stab Everything In Sight

Michelle Duggar, a member of a freakish cult which requires its women to have like, 10,000 babies, some of whom grow up to be child molesting philandering hypocrites, is doling out the hot sex tips on her blog. Well, hot sex tips for newlyweds, anyway (because they are obviously all virgins), not for heathen sluts like the staff of The Frisky.

Her number one tip? Be “joyously” sexually available to your husband even if you are exhausted and nine months pregnant! Because what you want doesn’t matter! Just pretend like you’re having a good time no matter what! Because being a “good wife” means you never get to say no.

Duggar recalls getting this same advice from a dear friend when she first got married to Jim Bob:

She told me: “Michelle, I know you’re so excited. You’re a bride-to-be, but some day you’ll be at this point. I’ve been married three years and I’m still happily married. I have one child, we’re expecting our second and I’m big pregnant. You’ve got to remember this. Anyone can iron Jim Bob’s shirt, anybody can make lunch for him. He can get his lunch somewhere else. But you are the only one who can meet that special need that he has in his life for intimacy. You’re it. You’re the only one. So don’t forget that, that he needs you. So when you are exhausted at the end of the day, maybe from dealing with little ones, and you fall into bed so exhausted at night, don’t forget about him because you and he are the only ones who can have that time together. No one else in the world can meet that need.”

“And so be available, and not just available, but be joyfully available for him. Smile and be willing to say, ‘Yes, sweetie I am here for you,’ no matter what, even though you may be exhausted and big pregnant and you may not feel like he feels. ‘I’m still here for you and I’m going to meet that need because I know it’s a need for you.’ ”

HAHA. See, women! You’re good for more than just ironing shirts and making sandwiches! You can also satisfy a man’s sexual needs! It’s a wild world of opportunities out there! And who cares if you don’t feel like it! Just pretend that you do! Because that’s sexy and not at all horrifying! Just lie back and think of England, with a big smile plastered on your face, or something.

Michelle goes on to say that men and women have different needs, and that as long as she is “joyfully available” for Jim Bob’s sexual needs, he will sometimes listen to her talk about stuff, and would also, she claims, “lay down his life” for her, which is actually probably not a thing that comes up very often.

This is, she says, advice she is going to give to her daughter Jill, whom she apparently believes is not quite messed up enough already.

[Duggar Blog]