President Trump Will Force Everyone To Say “Merry Christmas” Whether They Like It Or Not

Giving a speech to the Values Voters Summit today, Donald Trump clasped a Bible in his talons and frantically waved it in the air as he spoke to the rapt audience about the number one concern in their ostensibly wretched lives: greeters at department stores wishing them “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”

Donald Trump promised to alleviate their fears, and vowed that were he President, he would ban the practice so that they would never have to face such horror again.

Via the Washington Times:

“The progressives are pushing to an extent that if we’re not careful, we’re [going to] have some big problems and even bigger than we have right now,” Mr. Trump said. “Look, we need people that can support us. We need people that are strong and smart and can back us.”

“The word Christmas: I love Christmas,” he said. “I love Christmas. You go to stores now, you don’t see the word Christmas. It says, ‘Happy holidays’ all over. I say, ‘Where’s Christmas?’ I tell my wife, ‘Don’t go to those stores.’ “

“I want to see Christmas — no, I want to see Christmas,” he said to applause.

“And you know, other people can have their holidays … but Christmas is Christmas,” he said. “[Remember] the expression ‘Merry Christmas?’ You don’t see it anymore. You’re [going to] see it if I get elected, I can tell you right now. I can tell you right now.”

Being wished “Happy Holidays” by department store greeters is perhaps the most severe way in which Christians are persecuted in this country, and each year during this War on Christmas, millions of tears are shed as innocent, God-fearing Americans are cruelly forced to acknowledge the existence of Jewish people.

(Yes, and other non-Christians as well — and I guess even Atheists like myself even though we don’t really have a holiday around then unless you want to count New Year’s. But let’s be real here – we all know what this shit is about.)

How Mr. Trump plans to go about enforcing this, I’m not entirely sure. Is he going to make a law requiring all stores to assume that all of their customers are Christian and to adjust their store decorations and greeting procedures accordingly?

Interestingly enough, at this same conference, when asked about Kim Davis, Trump said, “I haven’t been opposed to her stand and I think it’s fine.”

So let’s get this straight. It’s OK for Kim Davis to literally break the law and refuse to do her job due to her religious beliefs. However, people who work in or own stores should be legally required to wish customers whose religious beliefs they likely have no way of knowing a “Merry Christmas,” regardless of whatever their own religious beliefs are. Because it increases Donald Trump’s enjoyment of the holiday. Right. Got it.

[Washington Times]