Our Emmys Recap: Viola Davis For President

Last night on Fox, a bunch of famous people and their less-famous dates walked down a red carpet, filed into an auditorium and sat down for a couple hours while their peers gave them awards. The Emmys are always a bit insider baseball and lack both the alcohol and the looseness of say, The Golden Globes, but hey, an awards show is an awards show.  Here’s what you missed.

The Red Carpet & The Pre-Show

I nominate Terry Bradshaw and Shannon Sharpe to handle all red carpet interviews from here on out.

AMY SCHUMER SHANNON SHARPE TERRY BRADSHAW

They gave her a statue of Cleatus, which is something I wouldn’t be mad at either.

A bunch of celebrities showed up and wore clothes, some good, some bad, most just fine.

 

THE SHOW

The opening skit was actually pretty funny  — Andy Samberg at a dinner party with all of your favorites, enduring the kind of never-ending monologue you get from people who consider themselves in the know. (“Have you seen ‘Transparent’? ‘Downton Abbey’? ‘Castle’? ‘Basketball Wives: LA’?)

All said, this was actually better than the self-congratulatory patter of say, Jimmy Fallon or the smug winkiness of Justin Timberlake.

He also hit all of the key plot points re: Hollywood: diversity, the wage gap, the horribleness of “True Detective” and Cosby. And, he did it while actually being funny!

Amy Poehler appears to be aging in reverse. Amy  Schumer is giving me “fifth-year-senior-at-prom-with-a-Zima-in-her-pocketbook” and it worked.

AMY SCHUMER AMY POEHLER

“Veep” won best comedy writing, which was well-desrved, because that show is absolutely phenomenal. Also, it was their first, which is always nice to see.  In a shocking twist, the best supporting actor in a comedy series went to Tony Hale! We’re basically so traumatized at this point by the tyranny of “Modern Family” that every time someone that’s not them wins, we’re fucking thrilled.

BUSTER GIF

The guest actor and guest actress, comedy series went to Bradley Whitford for “Transparent” and Joan Cusack for “Shameless”. And then they came out to present an award for best directing in a comedy series. And, it goes to Jill Soloway! Her first Emmy ever!  She thanked the Goddess, followed by Amazon. She also urged for trans rights, directed everyone to transquality.org, and it crashed. The power of entertainment in action, guys.

Jimmy Kimmel ate the nominee card for lead actor in a comedy and Jeffery Tambor won! Great night for Jill fucking Soloway and her beautiful show, and fantastic night for two of my favorite “Arrested Development” stars. “I’d like to dedicate this award to the trans community. Thank you for your courage,” he said, as lots of people wiped tears from their eyes.

DID YOU CATCH THE BEST STREAMING MUSIC SERVICE COMMERCIAL OF ALL TIME? DID YOU SEE TARAJI, MARY J. BLIGE AND KERRY MAKING MIXTAPES? DID YOU KNOW IT WAS DIRECTED BY AVA DUVERNAY??

For the fourth time, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss snatched lead actress in a comedy for “Veep”. Amy Poehler was robbed, though. Seriously.

AMY PRE NOM

Regina King won an Emmy for actress in a limited series or movie for her work in “American Crime”.  No one was happier for her than Taraji P. Henson.  Fuck the Neapolitan Trilogy, this is the only representation of female friendship you need.

REGINA KING TARAJI

Also, she got to say all of her speech and they didn’t cut her off, which was lovely and kind.

Hey, if you don’t have HBONow or aren’t stealing your parents’ HBOGo account, use this one that Andy Samberg made for you. It works.

HBOGO LOGIN

Bill Murray didn’t bother to show up. Kerry Washington’s skin is flawless. Frances McDormand won for lead actress in “Olive Kittredge”.  Maybe we should all take today off and go watch this goddamn show, as to attempt to maintain cultural relevance. Besides, it won some more stuff — best actor and best mini-series to be precise. There was a spoiler-ful montage tribute to shows that ended. Frances McDormand  wore a dress that she found in the back of her closet and no makeup, accepted her Emmy and moved on, as you do. Remember, kids, it started as a book! Read books.

“Inside Amy Schumer” won her first Emmy for best variety sketch seriesAmy Schumer cried(maybe), made a joke about Final Draft, and delivered a breathless speech that was mostly heartfelt and thanked her makeup person for “this smoky eye.”

amy schumer emmy

Ooh, drama. Drama! Draaaa-ma. Best supporting actress went to Uzo Aduba, for her second Emmy, but she looks so psyched, it didn’t really matter, then she cried and thanked her sister through her sobs.

UZO CRYING

JON HAMM finally won lead actor in a drama, to a standing ovation. His speech…did not thank Jennifer Westfeldt, the woman who stood by his side for like 18 years.

JON HAMM emmy

Adrien Brody’s hair needs to be taken aside and given a time out.

Viola Davis got her Emmy for lead actress in a drama, and Taraji sprinted across the aisle to give her a hug. Then, everyone got goosebumps and cried as she accepted her award that made history as the first black woman to win lead actress.

Never did I ever expect the Emmys to make me cry, but at this point in the evening, I had cried three times.

“Veep” won best comedy. Tracy Morgan presented the best drama award – “Game Of Thrones”, duh– to a house on their feet.

TRACY MORGAN

“I miss you guys so much,” he said.  “I’m here, standing on my own two feet….I’m feeling like myself again. That means a lotta women gonna get pregnant at the after party.”  Welcome back, Tracy. Welcome back.

And that was it! So short! So concise! We should be so lucky that the Golden Globes are like this.

The 2015 Emmy Awards VIP award goes to Taraji P. Henson, the most supportive person in the entire theatre. Cherish this gif of her hugging the shit out of Viola Davis and make sure you find someone who is as supportive and wonderful as she is.

VIOLA TARAJI

For you awards show completists, here’s a full list of winners. One down, guys! Just a couple more to go.