Man Who Simulated Sex With A Playground Slide Banned From Playground, Naturally

A British man has been banned from going “anywhere which has a slide” because of his sexual attraction to said item. According to the Examiner, Christopher Johnson, 46, was arrested for “simulating a sex act” with a slide at a local playground in Coventry.

In a twist that surprises no one, this is not Johnson’s first time at the slide-fucking rodeo. Last year, he was arrested for “undressing and performing a sexual act on the top of a slide at Coundon Hall Park in Waste Lane, Keresley.”

Johnson is now banned from anyplace that has a slide, be it waterpark or playground or the ball pit at his local McDonald’s. If the thought of people being sexually attracted to inanimate objects is something you’re into, naturally, we have a slideshow for that. You’re welcome. [The Examiner]