Miss Piggy On The State Of Modern Love: “Monogamy Is Passé”

In case you were super concerned over the plight of America’s preeminent puppet, Miss Piggy, in the wake of Kermit The Frog’s devestating new relationship with another, lesser-known puppet, please rest easy and know that she’s all right. In an exclusive statement to TIME, crafted by the PR people who are surely going to get a very big bonus at the end of this year, Miss Piggy had this to say:

I’m a strong woman with a ridiculously successful career and a hit primetime television series, so I never give up on my dreams. And my dream is to once again be part of a monogamous relationship with a strong, handsome, supportive and preferably wealthy man. And I will pursue that dream no matter how many strong, handsome, supportive and preferably wealthy men I have to date in the meantime.

Did you hear that? This felt pig knows what she wants. Don’t you worry about her. She’s going to be just fine. [TIME]