Women Prefer Average-Sized Dongs Over That Giant Trouser Snake, According to Science

Rejoice, mediocre-dicked men far and wide. Science has now proven that women actually prefer your standard, average-sized pickle, not the giant looming kielbasa that many men yearn for and few actually possess.

As reported by The Daily Beast, researchers used 3D models to represent the plethora of penis sizes, lengths and girths, and presented these plastic dongs to their research subjects for assessment.

To perform the study, sexual psychophysiologist Dr. Nicole Prause and her team generated a matrix of 100 different erect penises with varying lengths and circumferences but eventually narrowed them down to 33 options, reasoning that “such a large choice set could overwhelm participants.” These 33 representative choices were then 3D-printed in blue plastic “to minimize racial skin-color cues” and sorted into baskets from which 75 women selected an ideal penis for both a long-term partner and a one-night stand.

The findings were published in the peer-reviewed journal PLOS One and revealed that for a long-term relationship, the preferred penis size is about 6.3 inches long and 4.8 inches in circumference — a solid, slightly above average wang. A serviceable wang. A good wang, attached to the body of someone you care about enough to see multiple times a week. For a one-night stand, which the researcher performing the experiment described as a man who is  “kind, intelligent, funny, and has a great job,” the size is a little bit bigger, clocking in at 6.4 inches long and 5 inches around.

At first glance, this all checks out. The assumption here is that the partner that you’ve chosen to be with every single day of your life or whatever is allowed to have the smaller, thinner wang because you actually like that person for more than just their dick. The one-night-stand described is unlike any one-night-stand we’ve heard of to date — “kind,” “intelligent,” “funny,” “has a great job,” who is this unicorn? — but the fact that the preferred dong size there is larger makes sense. A one-night-stand at its essence is just about getting laid. Yeah, it would be great if you could find the one man in the bar that had a great job AND also a stellar penis, but I think the goal is basically to just find your target and drag them back to your sex lair.

Dudes, if you’ve spent your life looking down at your Johnson and bemoaning his inadequacy, rest easy. The woman you eventually settle down with will (hopefully) love you for you and not just your solidly average dick.

[The Daily Beast]