Let’s All Laugh At This Awful Casting Notice For Moment, Shall We?

Oh man. If ever I am glad I gave up on my childhood acting ambitions, it is when I see my actor friends sharing completely absurd casting calls on social media. I’m not the sort of person who likes the idea of having to think about what “type” they are — and I’m not good out it either, given that I once responded to being told that I am not the “girl next door type” by saying, “Uh, I have neighbors. Who do you think the Lings and the Rosenbergs are?”

Casting notices in general are pretty horrid, and there’s a pretty strong movement among actors to push for change in the way they’re written. Most specifically in terms of specifying white actors for roles that do not actually necessitate they actually be played by a white actor. Which is really not cool at all.

However, today I was hepped to what may be the actual worst casting notice of all time, for a movie called “Stop. Drop. Clickbait.” Here, friends, is the synopsis.

Casting “Stop.Drop.Clickbait” a short film which follows an ambitious young journalist Derek Pinto who’s on the verge of closing a huge acquisition deal with the New York Times for his online outrage startup Clickworthy. When a starry-eyed intern Karisa manages to set up an anonymous interview with the reclusive founder of a Reddit’s misogynistic forum “The Redpill,” journalistic ethics are called into question as Derek is forced to decide whether to release the subject’s identity to the rage-hungry public.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Clearly, whoever wrote this has a very clear and accurate picture of how journalism works, and is definitely not at all mad at Gawker for having released the identity of Michael Brutsch (aka Violentacrez), who created the Jailbait forum (pictures of underage girls) and was a moderator of the Creepshots forum in which people posted upskirt photos of women online.

Anyway! That is not even the worst part of all of this. The worst part is the casting. BEHOLD:

Screen Shot 2015-09-03 at 11.11.55 AM

Monique can be any ethnicity, they suppose, but it would be super great if she were white and blonde with “attractive physical qualities.” Karissa has an “innocent and cute figure.” What exactly is that supposed to mean? What makes a woman’s figure “innocent?” Is it a lack of tits and ass? Is that what that is? Am I more prone to a life of crime due to my massive rack? Does an “innocent figure” mean it’s not your fault if you get raped? Inquiring minds want to know!

Then there’s Theresa Griffin, “an aging news queen, high-ranking member of the New York Times” whom I think we can guess enjoys eating innocent male testicles for breakfast and is probably really mean and bitter due to not ever having settled down with the Nice Guy she met in her early 20s, and who just wishes she could have given it all up to be a wife and mother.

Oh goodness, and poor Julie Wong. A “preferably Asian, meek-looking, a non-alpha female” who could hypothetically also be “African American, Hispanic, Asian, South Asian, Native American, Middle Eastern, Southeast Asian / Pacific Islander, African Descent” assuming that in several of these instances she is adopted or married. Just so long as she is a “meek-looking” Asian woman. Because ethnic stereotypes, and probably a dude looking to live out some Madama Butterfly fetish.

Then there is the character of Patty, whom we can assume is the poor Redpiller about to be unmasked by an unfeeling and cruel media eager to supply a willing populace with its daily outrage. Patty is a “computer science type, neckbeard, heavy-set, someone who would use 4chan; needs to have neckbeard.” NECKBEARD NECKBEARD NECKBEARD, ok?

Those chosen for these roles will not be compensated with money so much as with snacks.

There’s just so, so much wrong with this. The overt sexism and racism in the casting, the incredible sadness of having no actual idea of how online media or journalism work but wanting to write a screenplay about how disgusted you are by the way you think it works.

That being said, I would totally kill to read this screenplay.

[Backstage]

H/T Kyra Sims