Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis Has Been Taken Into Custody, Will Remain There Until She Agrees To Issue Same-Sex Marriage Licenses

Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who hates gay marriage even more than she loves layering short sleeve and long sleeve t-shirts, has been taken into custody and held in contempt of court for refusing to issue same-sex marriage licenses. Judge David Bunning held off on fining Davis for her defiance, saying he didn’t think it would make her compliant, but ordered that she be held in federal marshal custody until she instructs her staff to do their goddamn jobs and issue marriage licenses to every couple who follows procedure to obtain one, including the gays.

Davis — who has been “traditionally married” three times, bless her hypocritical heart — has refused to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, even after a federal judge ordered her to do so last month, and her request to stay the order was denied by both a district judge and the Supreme Court. On Tuesday, the ACLU, representing a gay couple who were denied a license by Davis, filed a motion to hold her in contempt. Davis’s lawyers have argued that being found in contempt violates her right to due process and religious freedom because “it irreparably and irreversibly violates her conscience by directing her to authorize and issue [same-sex marriage] licenses bearing her name and approval.”

Davis is not without her supporters, who protested outside the courthouse today, bellowing such pleasantries as “You are homo terrorists. You are rapists. Jesus Christ is the way!” You know what I think would be the easiest solution to this mess? For Kim Davis to get a new goddamn job! Perhaps somewhere that sells an abundance of oversized T-shirts and gives employees a discount? That way, gay people can get the marriage licenses guaranteed to them by law without the hassle of dealing with this horrible ogre, and Kim Davis’s bigoted conscience can enjoy both moral superiority and a few new cotton scoopnecks. Win win!