Heartbroken Man Tries To Woo Back Ex-Wife With Romantic Closet Fire

In today’s news edition of Vengeful Exes, Algonquin man Anthony Elpolito reportedly set his wife’s closet on fire shortly after she filed for divorce.

Which begs the question: Why would any woman ever leave such a spontaneous and vivacious man?! I find myself now deeply lost in the grey dead pools of his eyes, and swept off my feet by his violent and entitled nature. How could you ever run from a man whose passion for you burns as hot as the fires he sets to your clothing?

The couple, who luckily have no children, have reported past instances of domestic disputes, where Elpolito verbally abused or threatened her.

He’s due in court Tuesday, where he could possibly face a sentence of three to seven years in prison during which he would hopefully resolve to stop being such a fucking psychopath. [Northwest Herald]