What If Your Mom’s Favorite Clothing Brands Could Talk? The New Yorker Imagines

Imagine a world where those waterlogged J.Jill catalogues, full of laughing women in soft, nubby sweaters and sensible pants, can sit in a room with the restrained, silver-haired ladies of Eileen Fisher, and the fun-loving, laughing broads within the Lane Bryant catalogues. Imagine a world where every single item of clothing that your mom would wear has assumed a corporeal form and is sitting on the dock of a lake somewhere, just being. Imagine. Imagine. Are you there yet? Can you feel the wind caressing your sensible bob? Imagine.

This, courtesy of the New Yorker and Emma Rathbone, is genius:

“Free movement,” Lane Bryant says while doing a fluid dance. “Free movement in this tunic. Yow!” She tosses an avocado into the air and laughs huskily.

“That tunic is to die for,” Eileen says.

“My God,” Ann Taylor says. “The majesty. Of that tunic. Cannot be overstated.”

“But remember, ladies,” Eileen Fisher says, “it’s all about understatement. Understatement is the name of the game.”

They all nod in supple agreement.

“And bold prints,” J. Jill says. “When the time is right.”

“Of course,” Eileen says. “And you know when the time is right.”

[h/t The New Yorker]