Rogue Pooper On The Loose In Portland, Plus 10 Other Poop Bandits

Shit is going down in Portland, Oregon, y’all. A truly crappy state of affairs, residents are on the lookout for an as-yet-unidentified gentleman who has been seen evacuating his bowels in public spaces across their fair city. Yes, I said gentleman, as he travels with his own toilet paper and at least has the courtesy to wipe when he’s done, saving whoever does his laundry from dealing with skid marks.

The local media caught wind of this story not because of the stench left behind in his aftermath, but thanks to a security camera which caught the man popping a squat against an office building in broad daylight. Resident Catrina Salazar, clearly aware of the city’s reputation for “Portlandia”-worthy antics, told the local CBS affiliate, “You just don’t really know what to expect around here. People, they like do their own thing, they kind of march to the beat of their own drum.” That’s one way to put a positive spin on it! [KOIN via Jezebel]

Poop Banditry is a real problem in our world, one that’s not discussed frequently enough, IMHO. You think I’m kidding? Click onward to learn about some of the worst Poop Bandits to ever have terrorized people with their shit.