Planned Parenthood To Blame For Stock Market Crash, Says Pat Robertson

Welp! Here we are again. A bad thing happened–the market crashed–and of course, Pat Robertson is pretty sure that is the result of god being super pissed about those heavily edited and doctored Planned Parenthood videos. Just like how 9/11 was the fault of “the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays, and the lesbians.” Just like how Hurricane Katrina was caused by abortions. And basically every bad thing that has ever happened while Pat Robertson has been alive and abortions have been legal.

Of today’s market crash, Robertson said that it was caused by the Obama administration’s refusal to defund Planned Parenthood in light of those dumb ass videos. He also states, incorrectly, that President Obama has threatened to shut down the government rather than shut down Planned Parenthood, which is not at all true. The only people threatening to “shut down the government” over this have been Republicans.

“We will pay dearly as a nation for this thing going on. And possibly if we were to stop all this slaughter the judgment of God might be lifted from us. But it’s coming, ladies and gentlemen. We just had a little taste of it in terms of the financial system, but it’s going to be shaken to its core in the next few months, years or however long it tastes and it will hurt every one of us.”

I have a question, Pat Robertson. Could you explain the 1929 stock market crash? Abortion was illegal! Republicans–Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover–were in office! Prohibition was in full swing! By all accounts, other than women having gotten the vote ten years earlier, things were probably just the way you would like them to be. So why did the stock market crash then? 

I mean, I’m not sure there is a time in recorded history when people were so fabulously moral that no bad things happened. During the Victorian Era, which is probably most closely aligned to Pat Robertson’s idea of morality, there was the Irish famine, horrific child labor practices, Jack the Ripper, the Crimean War, a cholera epidemic, extreme poverty all over and numerous other tragedies. Explain those things, Pat Robertson! Was God punishing people in the Victorian Era for Planned Parenthood as well? I’m gonna guess no. Because it did not exist then!

What I would like to see, quite honestly, would be for Pat Robertson and friends to set up their own country where everything is just as they imagine their god would like it, in order to prove to the rest of us that doing so will result in nothing bad ever happening to them. I think it would be an interesting experiment. I don’t think it would work, but I’d certainly like to see them try.