Josh Duggar Update: His Secret Stripper-Friending Facebook Page And More

HELLO! And welcome to what I think is actually my fourth Duggar-related post today! Although technically, I wrote this one about how Jim Bob and Michelle just cannot figure out why people think that whole child molesting thing was such a big deal yesterday, but we pushed it to this morning because the news about him and his Ashley Madison account broke and obviously that was way more pressing. Is that too inside baseball? Probably! But whatever! Here we are, and I am going to wrap this up quick because I am very much looking forward to having a drink, ASAP.

So check it out. In addition to having an Ashley Madison profile, and an OKCupid profile, Radar is reporting that Duggar also had a secret Facebook profile. Naturally, it was listed under his erstwhile alias, “Joe Smithson.”

Sadly, Radar provides no link to this alleged Facebook page, but they are reporting that it was used to friend 32 attractive young women–some of whom work in the erotic dancing and lingerie modeling industries.

According to the profile, “Smithson” was posting on the site as far back as 2004 — four years before Josh married Anna.

“Smithson” is friends with 32 women, mostly attractive and young, and from the area of Arkansas where he lived before leaving for a political career in Washington, DC.

He’s also a follower of a dancer at Sensations Gentleman’s Club in Arkansas, a lingerie model, and a curvy blonde blogger.

According to the profile, Smithson was active on the site as recently as January 2014, one year after Duggar began working with the Family Research Council.

HUH. So there’s that! I guess that means that Josh Duggar is probably one of those creepy ass dudes who friends pretty ladies that he doesn’t know on Facebook. Fun! And not that surprising!

Anyway! Remember that whole apology thing Joshie wrote about how internet porn and SATAN (who built a fortress of evil around him, obviously) were to blame for his having an Ashley Madison account? Well! It looks like the family has updated the apology and taken out the part where Josh confesses to an internet porn “addiction”–as well as the part about how he’s real sorry for how the fact that he was a teenage child molester reflected upon his family. Here is the new apology:

I have been the biggest hypocrite ever. While espousing faith and family values, I have been unfaithful to my wife.

I am so ashamed of the double life that I have been living and am grieved for the hurt, pain and disgrace my sin has caused my wife and family, and most of all Jesus and all those who profess faith in Him.

I have brought hurt and a reproach to my family, close friends and the fans of our show with my actions.

The last few years, while publicly stating I was fighting against immorality in our country I was hiding my own personal failures.

As I am learning the hard way, we have the freedom to choose our actions, but we do not get to choose our consequences. I deeply regret all the hurt I have caused so many by being such a bad example.

I humbly ask for your forgiveness. Please pray for my precious wife Anna and our family during this time.

Josh Duggar

He’s still real sorry to Jesus though!

ALSO ALSO, according to a source who contacted People Magazine, Anna Duggar will almost definitely not be divorcing Josh. Not really so much because it’s her decision and she thinks it’s worth it to keep him in her life, but because of their religion. The source also states that she will mostly be blaming herself. You know, because she is a woman.

“Maybe not publicly, ever, but privately, there will be some suggestion of whether or not she should have been more aware of the pressures Josh was under, of the issues he was facing, and how she could have better counseled him or helped him,” says the source.

Huh. How long do you think it is before one of the women in this Quiverful culture just straight up loses it and goes Lorena Bobbit on every dude in that whole gross family? Really! How much of that can a person even take?

Anyway, that concludes all of today’s Josh Duggar news that we didn’t feel like writing individual posts for. I am about to go bask in the schadenfreude with a nice cold vodka soda and thank whomever for the fact that I wasn’t raised in the dingbat fundamentalist cult that produces all these people.

THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.