Thank Us Later: The Breastnest Is A Glorious Vacation For Your Ginormous Boobs
I’m not really sure how to begin this post, other than to tell you that I have really big boobs, and I’m not going to lie — that feels a little weird. But it’s the truth, and it’s what I’m talking about today, so there it is. I run about 32F-34G depending on the manufacturer (although let’s be real, I mostly just keep buying this bra over and over again because it works for me and bra trying-on is sheer hell).
They’ve been a literal pain in my neck and back (and my goddamned wallet) since middle school; as much as I get people not wanting to hear anyone complain about how totally rough it is having a huge rack– behold, this is what my shoulders looks like.
Those grooves in my shoulder are basically permanent. Yes, I could get a reduction, but quite honestly, surgery scares the bejesus out of me.
I have always been incredibly jealous whenever other women talk about taking a bra off to get super comfortable. Because man, that is not a comfortable thing for me to do. It hurts to walk around without a bra. It hurts to stand without a bra. It hurts to sleep without a bra. It hurts to basically do anything without a bra, because without a bra I have got two very large appendages just hanging from my chest area, which are often pretty sore from having been hoisted up all day.
It is a poor time, okay? Probably the worst thing about having huge breasts–other than not being able to buy a bra under 60 bucks if you have a small rib cage, side zippers, and dresses that come equipped with spaces built for tiny boobs –is not ever being completely comfortable.
Then, a few months ago, my dear friend Samantha Irby of Bitches Gotta Eat tipped me off to a new type of garment called “The Breastnest,” a bra alternative that allows us well-endowed types to experience the gloriousness of going braless like some 34B-type without a care in the world.
I would say I was skeptical, but I was not, because for real, I know Sam would never mess around with me when it comes to comfort or boobs. I immediately sent away for one, and let me tell you, it has changed my life. It is literally the most comfortable I have ever, ever been.
The Breastnest is made of super soft modal fabric, and is constructed in a way that supports your boobs just enough to make them not pull on your skin, but not so much that you are in any way constricted. I would best describe the feeling as “floaty.”
Although I wouldn’t feel like a total weirdo throwing something blousy on over it and running to the grocery store, I usually wear mine around the house, while blogging or while sleeping. Quite frankly, given that I work remotely from home, there should really be no need for me to have to wear a bra all the time anyway.
I have the black one (duh), but it comes in a variety of other colors as well–I think I may try the orchid next!
I am telling you, if you have huge knockers and are tired of having to feel uncomfortable all the time, you need to get one of these things. There’s no pull, no ache in your boobs or back, no straps or underwires burrowing into your skin–it’s seriously like magic. Or probably however people with regular sized boobs get to feel all the time, I wouldn’t know. And hey! Maybe if I wear this thing more than I wear a bra, those shoulder grooves might lighten up over time. You never know!
It’s also a great option for women living with chronic pain, fibromyalgia or going through radiation.
The Breastnest currently comes in four colors, and in sizes Medium-XXX Large, and is available to order here.