The Latest “Jem” Trailer Is Out And You Will Not Believe What Synergy Looks Like

The latest trailer for the blasphemous “Jem and The Holograms” movie has arrived, and although there is no way I was going to approve of it anyway due to the exclusion of Christy Marx and The Misfits, it has managed to disappoint me even more. There are very few things I am a purist or a prescriptivist about in life, but apparently I take my 1980s cartoons very seriously. Because, I admit it, I am weirdly bothered by all of this on a very deep level.

If you want the truth, the thing that is really bothering me here is that it appears to hinge on Jerrica being–at least at first–somehow taken advantage of by Eric(a) Raymond. The original Jem was telling Eric Raymond to go screw and within three episodes was running Starlight Music after having won a battle of the bands against The Misfits. I’m not saying it has to be exactly the same as the original cartoon–but it would be cool if the spirit was at least there, or if it didn’t look exactly like a less funny and far more mealy-mouthed version of the “Josie And the Pussycats.”

This trailer, however, answers one of my most longstanding questions–“OK, so where the hell is Synergy?”

If you do not recall, Synergy in the original cartoons looked like this:

Synergy

This Synergy provided Jerrica with her secret Jem disguise, as well as wardrobe options for the rest of the Holograms, and got them out of jams on the regular — through the power of Jem’s magic star earrings.

The Synergy in the “Jem” movie looks like this:

Screen Shot 2015-08-11 at 5.05.47 PM

This Synergy, apparently, projects home videos on the wall, and appears to be a high tech version of the Casey the Talking Robot doll I had as a kid.

I mean. I guess it is a plus that Synergy is included at all? I don’t know. I don’t subscribe to that whole “Oh man, this is ruining my childhood” schtick as a rule–this movie is obviously not going to ruin my childhood. But jeez, it would certainly be cool for girls to see another girl who doesn’t have to be crushed by the system first before pushing against it.