Google Is Now Alphabet, Or Something

So, GOOGLE. You’ve heard of it, I’m sure. But as of today, the Google you know has changed. The technology giant has launched a new parent company called Alphabet, under which the Google you know will not reside, as will the various cookie jars it has its dirty paws in, only many will be divided into their own companies. I find this Silicon Valley stuff confusing as fuck, so here’s Gizmodo with a little explanation:

The new umbrella company will include Google spinoffs like its health effort, Life Sciences, and longevity research arm, Calico. The mad scientist paradise known as X lab will also become its own company, as will Nest and Fiber. Meanwhile, Ventures, Capital, Sidewalk, and the drone-delivery service Wing will also become separate companies under Alphabet’s umbrella. As for Google itself, the SEC filing states, “Under the new operating structure, its main Google business will include search, ads, maps, apps, YouTube and Android and the related technical infrastructure (the ‘Google business’).”

For now, Alphabet’s creation appears to be a restructuring that will affect Google’s growth going forward. Page explained that Google will be slimmed down as spinoffs become their own companies. He also announced that Sundar Pichai—the former head of Android, Chrome, and Apps—will become CEO of Google. Page and Brin will ascend to the top two positions at Alphabet as the parent company’s CEO and President, respectively. Google stock will become Alphabet stock, and everyone will be confused about this means for a little while.

Basically, Google is restructuring under a new parent company called Alphabet, and this restructuring will make it easier for Google/Alphabet/etc. to continue taking over the world. I don’t really get it, but I have been assured that we can still refer to doing recon on OKCupid dates “Googling,” so I’m content. [Gizmodo]