WWJDD: “Help! How Do I Get Over A Dry Spell?”

Editor’s Note

After multiple women accused James Deen of rape and sexual assault in November 2015, The Frisky made the immediate decision to end our affiliation with the porn star and to cancel his sex advice column with the site. In addition to believing it would be inappropriate to continue publishing sex advice from someone facing such serious allegations, The Frisky is firm in its commitment to believing and standing in solidarity with victims/survivors when they come forward. After serious consideration and input, we decided to leave the previously published columns up on The Frisky with this disclaimer, as we believe the glaring divide between Deen’s consent-focused advice and the rape allegations against him should be part of the public record. For a more thorough explanation on our decision to end this column, click here.

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I haven’t had sex in a while and I’ve been really horny lately. The thing is, I’m bad at flirting, especially since I’m a little chubbier now than usual (I’m not naturally skinny either) and that kinda ruins my confidence when it comes to trying to get some action. I’m very outgoing and I move in a circle where I meet a lot of people from other countries, it’s just that it’s hard for me to show someone I’m interested because of my fear of rejection. And even though I casually make out with guys in the club, I don’t want to go home with a total stranger. My question is, do you have any tips on how to get over a dry spell and get back on the saddle?

I’m a ho bag. I think I’ve had sex almost every day for the last 15 years of my life. I don’t have a problem with going home with a stranger. But while I don’t have experience with getting over a dry spell myself, I do have some advice for you.

It sounds like you’re doing everything right, but just need to take it one step farther. You know that guy you’re making out with in the club? Get his number. If a guy is making out with you, chances are, he’ll give you his number. You don’t need to give him an explanation for why you don’t want to go home with him immediately — you don’t need to give anyone an explanation for anything. Say something like, “I would love to come home with you tonight, but I can’t. Give me your number and let’s do this later.” Spend a week talking on the phone, texting and getting to know him, and then hang out with him the next week and decide whether to have sex with him then.

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It’s totally valid to want to get to know the person you’re having sex with and to build some sort of chemistry. It sounds like you just don’t want to fuck a Nazi or a serial killer and that’s totally understandable. In addition to going out and meeting dudes at bars, you can also use Tinder or other dating sites — worst case scenario, you get rejected. It’s just a stranger on the internet and they probably don’t look like their picture anyway, so who cares? Eventually a guy you DO want to sleep with will come along.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing I can say that’s going to change your confidence level, other than this: Dudes are already making with you at the club! You clearly got something going on! The problem isn’t you. No matter what you look like, I can promise you that there are at least 20 people in a one-mile radius that want to fuck you.  My theory on physical appearance is that, while there are exceptionally beautiful people and there are really unattractive people, for the most part, everyone falls within the 4-6 range (out of 10). Most people are attractive-looking in some way – but it’s who they are that makes them more or less attractive. If you’re an asshole, it doesn’t matter how pretty you are. I’m a guy that likes women of all types and body sizes and looks. I like women. Just not the ones that suck.

Already known as a porn star, actor, director, producer, sex symbol, and star of our masturbatory fantasies, James Deen can now add Frisky advice columnist to his resume. Each week in his column, What Would James Deen Do?, he’ll be offering his straight up, rock solid, no bullshit advice to YOUR questions. Want to know what James would do? Email your questions to [email protected]!