This Panda Faked A Pregnancy For Better Food And AC, Is Smarter Than All Of Us
Yuan Yuan is a giant panda who lives in a zoo in Taipei. She has figured out the best way to game the system: faking a pregnancy for better food, AC and the freedom to chill. Yuan Yuan is our hero; she should be yours too.
According to ChinaDaily, Yuan Yuan was artifically inseminated in March, so it seemed normal that she started to display the signs of a successfully knocked-up panda, including “loss of appetite, thickening of the uterus and increased fecal progesterone concentration”. But, an ultrasound performed by panda experts flown in from China proved that she was fleecing them for better shit the whole time. The jig is up, Yuan Yuan, but what a jig it was.
Pregnant pandas get around the clock care, more fruit and bamboo and, best of all, a room of their own that’s got motherfucking AC. The rest of the non-pregnant regular pandas have to mill about in the common area, all sweaty and listless and ugh. Yuan Yuan, smart cookie, knew what she had to do. The body is a miraculous agent of change. Pandas are clever little fuckers, too.
Yuan Yuan’s hustle was too strong, and alas, she is no longer receiving pre-natal massages or being praised endlessly for making a baby. Sorry, Yuan Yuan. You flew too close to the sun. Better luck next time.