“Bachelorette” Kaitlyn Bristowe Gives Her Final Rose To The Guy Who Won Her First

Last night’s finale of “The Bachelorette” went exactly as I planned. My tinier, perkier but no less foul-mouthed, bird-phobic doppelganger Kaitlyn Bristowe bestowed her final rose upon, and accepted a marriage proposal from the Ryan Gosling-esque (OF COURSE) Shawn Booth, sending now two-time runner-up Nick Viall on the heartbroken limo ride of shame. Shawn, who models his entire look after Gosling’s character in “Crazy Stupid Love” (and I am here for it), proposed to Bristowe after she finally was able to express her love, slipping a monstrously tacky Neil Lane sparkler on her finger. It was exactly how I dreamed it would be since the day Shawn stepped out of that limo on episode one, scored Kaitlyn’s first-impression rose and my heart went Whoa, you mean guys who look like Ryan Gosling, but a little more thumb-like, actually EXIST and are SINGLE?

Through some ups and downs, and the show’s desperate attempts to make slut-shaming a plot twist, Kaitlyn and Shawn’s connection not only endured but grew, and for approximately 75 minutes (the time between the moment Nick haughtily hurled his extremely expensive Neil Lane ring and the end of the “After the Final Rose” special), dear readers, my cynicism about love was replaced with blindly romantic hope. Because if my “Bachelorette” doppelganger can find herself a knockoff Ryan Gosling to love, maybe there’s a bargain bin version out there looking for me.