A Compendium Of Emoji For Very Specific Situations In Honor Of Worldwide Emoji Day

Today, July 17th, is Worldwide Emoji Day, so named because the emoji calendar’s date is permanently set to July 17.  Today is the day you celebrate the evolution of communication. Emoji are the best and most succinct way of communication, because they function as a neat verbal shorthand when sometimes, words aren’t enough. Emoji pepper written communication with a dash of much-needed whimsy. When tone is already difficult to read over a text, blanketing the real talk you’re about to spit with a smiley face or two seems disingenuous, but really, it softens the blow. The ways we connect with each other evolve every day. Emoji are the future.

Take your emoji game to the next level with this handy compendium of lesser-used emoji for everyday situations.

Inebriation Of Every Stripe

🐨💥🌴🌴 Useful for when you’re high enough to still text, but too high to communicate in words. This serves as fair warning to whoever you’re communicating with that whatever’s going to come next should be taken with a grain of salt. Or, just ignored. Your call.

Graceful Ways To Leave A Conversation

🍃🍃🌾🌾You’re in the wind.

🐾🐾 The insistent stomping of feet to punctuate an argument, or a clear cut indication that you are done with this conversation. The little feet, stamping in tandem — that is your righteous indignation, your signal that yes, you are done, you are so very done. Exit

🚣 The slow exit of someone who has just said something very insulting, slightly shady or is simply finished with talking at this time. Perfect for signaling your exit from that group text discussing where and when to have lunch two weeks from now.

Retorts

🐋👆I disagree with everything you’ve said. Everything. I actually probably won’t continue this conversation, but you know what, whatever.

Sexts

😈📹🍑🍑  Use this as a hint of what’s to come — something naughty, ass-heavy, Snapchatted or texted, something that’s private, but something that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

🍘🍘  The peach works for boobs, but its association as the universally accepted emoji for “ass” is such that you intentions could be misinterpreted. Use these to signify tits instead. Same shape, same idea.

🍩🍩  For when you’re tired of the peach, use the donuts.

👀🍌😅🔥  A solid response to an excellent dick pic.

😟🍗😷  A solid response to a terrible dick pic

🎍🍌🍠🍗🍦🍼 Suggested emoji for dicks beyond the obvious eggplant.

🍆💩💍  For those occasion when you want to offer up anal in exchange for a proposal.

Compliments

🐛🐛👌👌 Brow game very good.

General Bad Feelings

🙊🚽 Used to indicate actually being sick or that something or someone or somewhere has nauseated you to the point that a swift elimination is necessary.

🐡🔥🐡 If you’re not doing a good enough job of communicating how you’re feeling and why, let these pufferfish bolstering the flames help you out. Useful for: cramps, being too full, the potential onset of stomach problems. Proceed at your own risk.

🍤🍤🍤  To be salty is to snap at your best friend for no reason, to unleash a litany of complaints into an unsuspecting text or waiting Gchat. To be salty is to feel that simmering rage below the surface when someone accidentally pushes into you on the subway on your way to work. It is a very specific hot, sharp emotion. These tiny, curled, fried shrimp are the precise embodiment of saltiness.

🌋🌋  Perfect for hot, strong anger.

🏄🔴🙅🏻 The best way to communicate to your semi-frequent fuck buddy that tonight isn’t a great night for him to come over, because you’re on the rag and don’t want to be touched.

When Words Aren’t Enough

🗿If you’re trying not to say anything, but you want your face to communicate everything you could possibly say. Did someone say something slightly shady about a mutual friend? This face says it all.

🐸☕️  A neat emoji distillation of the best meme of our time.

Where You At?

👥  You’re meeting a friend at the grocery store so you can make dinner. You see them from across the street. They certainly do not see you. Instead of responding to their texts with an actual location, send them this. They’ll get it.

🏄🏇🏂  A highly accurate representation of all the methods you’re using to get from one point to another. Especially useful if you’re running late.