The Egg Master Is The Kitchen Gadget Of Our Collective Nightmares

Eggs are an easy, simple food to cook and prepare. You can boil them, you can poach them, you can fry them, you can scramble them, you can bruleé them, you can soak them hard-boiled in tea and roll them in sausage meat and breading and fry them. And, as , kitchen gadget inspector at The Guardian, discovered, you can eat them on a stick. Excuse me?

GUYS WHAT THE FUCK.

The Egg Master is a horrifying invention that purports to serve you eggs in the shape of a horrifying alien phallus. Apparently, all you do is drop some eggs into the chamber, and then wait a few minutes. Once the machine starts exuding an egg-log from its depths, you can then stick a wooden skewer in the end of the thing and eat it as you would a frozen chocolate-covered banana you get from the county fair. Why?

Why wouldn’t you just eat a fried egg? Why wouldn’t you just scramble some eggs and eat them with ketchup and a tiny bit of cheese while you watch TV? Why wouldn’t you just make a half-hearted omelette and eat that with a nice green salad? Why would you want to plop two eggs into a thing that looks like a Fleshlight and then watch as a yellowish-white, poop-esque log emerges from its spinning interior?

If you are looking for a gift for your enemy, frenemy, sister who you’re not speaking to or anyone you wish ill intentions upon, please close this tab and hustle over to Amazon, where this nightmare can be yours for only $14.15.

[The Guardian]