Amy Schumer Steals Katie Couric’s Phone, Texts Her Husband: “I Wanna Have Anal Tonight”

A fun fact about Katie Couric: She “loves humor.” Humor! Who doesn’t love humor? Katie Couric loves humor so much that she felt compelled to tell this to Amy Schumer at the Glamour Women Of The Year Awards dinner. Guess what, Katie? Amy loves humor too. She loves it probably more than you do. She loves it so much that, when you left your phone unattended on the table, she texted your husband, “I wanna have anal tonight,” and kept eating bread while making unwavering, intense eye contact with Mindy Kaling.

Because this is a beautiful world, the above story is not a neat bit of speculative fiction, but a real thing that happened, as Schumer told Jimmy Fallon last night on “The Tonight Show.” When Couric’s husband got the memo, here’s what Amy says happened:

Katie comes back like 90 seconds later and her and her husband are like, “So… we’re leaving.” Like, “I don’t know why he wants to leave…”

Did Katie and her husband have anal that night? We’ll never know, but let this be a lesson to you all: Never. Leave. Your. Phone. Unattended. Especially if Amy Schumer is close by.

[h/t Gawker]