SCOTUS Probably Blackmailed By Secret Gay Lovers, Says Crackpot Preacher

James David Manning, a complete lunatic whom you may recall from the time he insisted that gay people were spreading ebola at Starbucks, has a fancy new theory on why the Supreme Court voted in favor of marriage equality.

Manning explained this theory to Pastor Rick Wiles of Trunews during a completely sane and rational “discussion about Barack Obama’s satanic assault on America’s morality.”

You see, he thinks that the Supremes are all, perhaps, SECRET GAYS, and their SECRET GAY LOVERS threatened to out them and all their GAY SECRETS about all the SECRET GAY SEX THINGS they do if they did not rule in favor of allowing gay people to get married. He is pretty sure that Kennedy, at least, is a secret gay.

Manning suggested that “perhaps Kennedy and many of those who are on the Supreme Court have had sodomite relations themselves… I suspect that many of these Justices are having things done where they have got to support this sodomy, they’ve got to say it or otherwise they get exposed.”

The discussion then concluded with Wiles and Manning agreeing that this decision would likely result in everyone in the United States being dead within the next 50 years. Why? Because the lord would no longer be “obligated” to defend us, because we’d broken his laws.

For the record, we have already broken several of God’s laws. We allow divorce, we have the death penalty, and our entire economic system is based on coveting. Not to mention the fact that we’re pretty shitty to poor people, and let me tell you, there is a fuck ton more in the Bible about helping poor people than there is about how awesomely righteous it is to be shitty to gay people.

You shall give to him freely, and your heart shall not be grudging when you give to him, because for this the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake. For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’–Deuteronomy 15:10-11

Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys.–Luke 12:33

It’s pretty weird of your god to spend allllllll that time talking about helping poor people, and not killing people, and not coveting your neighbors possessions, and then decide that the thing that makes him really pissed off about the United States is the fact that we’re just not being mean enough to gay people.