Barbie Vlogs, Provides Disconcerting Jaunt Into The Uncanny Valley

Back when I was growing up, the official Barbie jingle went something along the lines of “We girls can do anything, right Barbie?”–and now, part of the anything Barbie can do is scare the living crap out of you on YouTube, just as you’ve always dreamed. Because Barbie is a vlogger now. A computer animated vlogger. A really, really creepy computer animated vlogger who will likely haunt your dreams and very much dislikes soda for reasons she cannot disclose at this time.

This is literally the most disconcerting version of Barbie since the one my mom and I dubbed “Open Heart Surgery” Barbie. Which was like, a regular Barbie but you opened up her chest to reveal a picture of Ken, and my sister had one for some reason and it was very weird. Did not like!

locket surprise barbie

In an “interview” with People Magazine, Vlogger Barbie explains that she got into vlogging at the recommendation of her sister Skipper, and also that she is originally from Wisconsin and like, totally loves Taylor Swift. Probably so she seems more relatable or something? I don’t know. I assume that is also why she has smaller boobs? Who knows! Also, for some reason she keeps a beach ball, a volleyball and a football in her room rather than in the garage or wherever.

As much as I have always been kind of “meh” about Barbie (even as a kid, all I ever did with the Barbie dolls people gave me for birthdays and Christmas was make them look like Nancy Spungeon and use them as pencil toppers) I have to say that after watching both episodes of Barbie’s vlog I actually feel like I kind of prefer the old Glamazon With 85,000 Careers Barbie to “normal teen with insecurities and stuff” Barbie. Like, in addition to being terrifying, this version of Barbie is also incredibly boring. No wonder she likes Taylor Swift so much.