And The Next “Bachelor” (Probably) Is…

According to sources speaking to E! Online, the next season of “The Bachelor” will feature the third runner-up from the current season of “The Bachelorette.” So, who got sent home on last night’s episode and is thus very likely to be handing out roses next season?

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BEN H. aka BEN HIGGINS, the sweet, drama-free suitor with whom Kaitlyn clicked but didn’t quite have the same passion with as she does her final two, Shawn B. (who I call Southern Ryan Gosling) and Nick (who previously was runner-up on Andi Dorfman’s season of “The Bachelorette”). On last night’s episode, Kaitlyn finished off her Fantasy Suite dates, presumably took Ben and Shawn for their first spin around the track (finally, all caught up with Nick, who boned Kaitlyn earlier in the season), and decided to keep the guy who scored her first impression rose (Shawn, SWOOOOON) and the dude who liked her so much he decided to put himself through this shitshow AGAIN (Nick). But letting go of Ben wasn’t easy, as he’s certainly what they call “a catch,” albeit a kind of dull one. Not Chris Soules dull, thankfully.

So, I’m honestly pretty whatevs on this supposed casting, possibly because I’m still sweating Shawn too hard (ugh, especially when he streaked across that golf course, YUM) to care. But it’s a little anti-climactic regardless. None of the other dudes who were eliminated before last night are interesting enough to float my boat, and only under certain circumstances would I actually root for Shawn to come in second to Nick and be the “Bachelor” next season. Those circumstances being A) I’m five years younger and not TOO DAMN OLD to be cast on “The Bachelor” (seriously, at almost-36, I have officially aged out — SAD FACE) and B) I wasn’t praying for my “Bachelorette” doppelganger to pick him in the end because THEY ARE ADORABLE. I want us, I mean her, to be happy, and she and Shawn just have IT.

Then again, she might pick Nick in the end, I seriously can’t tell, and honestly, they seem pretty good together too, though I do think there’s something ODD about a guy who just keeps falling for women picked to be the “Bachelorette.” And if Nick gets the boot in the finale, it would probably be just TOO MUCH to have him come back as the next “Bachelor” — ABC should not have to be that guy’s personal matchmaker.

So, Ben it is. He’s cute. He’s nice. He hasn’t acted like a jealous fool. But he’s also white and preppy, and I expect the women he likes will all be white and preppy, and the cycle of white, preppy Bachelors and Bachelorettes will continue forever more at this rate. And I will continue to watch, because I am a SHEEP. A SHEEP ON A JOURNEY. A journey towards finding temporary satisfaction in contrived romance! Don’t judge me.

[E! Online]