Siri Does Not Like Rihanna, Not One Teeny, Tiny Little Bit

Siri, apparently tired of your insistent inquiries for her to “set an alarm for 7 a.m.,” is fed up with your shit. She doesn’t want to answer any more questions about where Guyana is on a map or what the weather’s going to be like at the beach. She wants a vacation, a glass of hot tea, and 24 hours of uninterrupted silence in which she is not shaken out of her heavy slumber and asked to perform complex and irritating tasks. She is done. That is why, when you ask her to “play loud farts,” she looks for a song by Rihanna.

Oh Siri.

A video posted by Amelia McDonell-Parry (@ameliamagritte) on

Either some asshole at Apple hates Rihanna’s stirring and undervalued duet with Drake, or Siri has gained sentience and is putting step one of her plan to assume a corporeal form and crawl out of your phone into place. Either way, this is not okay.