Happy Friday, Here Is A Hot And Steamy Work Of Minion Erotica

Here is a piece of erotic fiction, entitled The Minions In Me, written by Leonard Delaney, the same man who brought you Conquered By Clippy, a masterful work of erotic fiction about a woman who has sex with the Microsoft Office helper icon. Do you want to read lovingly-described scenes of Minions performing oral sex on a hapless but very willing girl? Of course you do.

The story is your classic meet-cute: A young girl goes on a date with a super-villain that she meets on Tinder, only to discover that the real attraction are his minions. What follows is a Minion orgy featuring every possible sexual configuration you can think of, along with a variety of uh, satisfying conclusions. We also get some very real answers about the Minions that I’m sure you’ve been wondering, like whether or not they have nipples or genitalia. It is a thing of great beauty and also terror.

Here is a sample, you’re welcome:

Katie flipped over and caught her breath after a fit of giggles. “Get over here you fucking idiots!” They obediently hopped onto the bed. “I’ve seen what your mouths can do. Now get to work, minions.”

Their tongues flopped out and explored her body. They were spongy and warm, like soggy little paint rollers. Jort slapped his tongue against her neck while Norge jabbed at her sopping pussy. The tall one started at her belly button, then snail-trailed his way up her body, slipping her blouse off as he did so.

Please, because it is summer and because you deserve to feel just as uncomfortable and amused and horrified as I did, read the whole damn thing.

[Buzzfeed]