Ariana Grande Apologizes For #DonutGate, But Burning Questions Remain

I will be the first to admit that I didn’t know much about Ariana Grande other than a vague knowledge of her preference to be carried places until I read Megan’s investigation into her randomness, prompted by that whole donut-licking fiasco. Late last night, Ariana posted a four-minute apology for #DonutGate, and I gotta admit I am still scratching my head. So you’ll need to forgive me as I ask some very earnest and sincere questions about this whole situation. Because is every single layer of this donut incident not confusing to everyone else, too? Am I alone here? Here are my questions:

  • In her initial apology note, Ariana Grande asserted pretty strongly that she is pro-healthy eating and anti-donut. Why was she spending time in a donut shop?
  • Was the donut-licking a protest against what she considers unhealthy eating? Why was this her chosen form of protest?
  • Wait, did Ariana Grande specifically go into the donut shop because she wanted to spurn donuts by licking them in protest of their existence?
  • Can donuts be a healthy part of your diet in moderation?
  • Why was the donut-licking followed up by Grande asserting that she hates America and Americans?
  • And why did the police start investigating this incident? Did they have reason to believe that Ariana Grande was depositing poison onto the donuts via her tongue?
  • If Ariana Grande deposited poison onto the donuts via her tongue, how did she not get poisoned, herself? Is this like an Ellaria Sand/lipstick situation? Was she wearing the antidote in a pendant around her neck?
  • How old is Ariana Grande again? Wait, Google says she’s 22.
  • What’s the dumbest thing you ever did when you were 22? The dumbest thing I did when I was 22 was support my ex while he “opened” a “music production company” as well as a “totally legitimate” eBay store for “not-at-all counterfeit” sports merchandise instead of getting a tax-paying job. All things considered, looking back, I think I’d choose donut-licking and sedition over my own stupid behavior.
  • But anyway, seriously, don’t the cops have anything better to do?
  • Also, why is Grande “disgusted” with her behavior? Is it because she licked donuts that she hates, or because the low-res video isn’t flattering, or because she did a dumb 22-year-old thing in a donut shop?
  • Bottom line, what are everyone’s motivations here???

I thought that maybe typing out these questions would help me to sort things out a little, but it didn’t; I’m still confused. Any help would be appreciated.

[The Daily Beast]

[A.V. Club]

[Defamer]

[Screencap via TMZ]

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