“Real Vampires” Say They Avoid Doctors For Fear Of Being “Judged”

According to a new study, people who identify as “real vampires” – who “must” drink the blood of others to survive – have a tendency to avoid going to the doctor, or just don’t tell them about their bloodthirsty habit, because they fear being judged and “stereotyped.”

Via Reuters:

Research led by D.J. Williams, director of social work at Idaho State University, indicated that people who identify themselves as “real” vampires – that is, needing others’ blood to gain energy – would not disclose their practices to those in the helping professions and risk reactions like ridicule, disgust and possible diagnosis of a mental illness.

The paper, published in the latest issue of Critical Social Work, a peer-reviewed journal based in Canada, found that authentic vampires as opposed to “lifestyle” vampires – black-clad figures with phony fangs – might be stereotyped by clinicians whose fields discourage biases.

First of all, everyone gets judged by their doctors. That is part of why going to a doctor is annoying. I get judged by doctors for smoking and for being afraid of needles. Unless you have some kind of Munchausen’s, or you were that kid who was always in the nurse’s office in school, it is likely that going to the doctor is an unpleasant experience for you.

Second, given the fact that being a “real vampire” is not an actual medical diagnosis, perhaps they ought to be open to the possibility that it is something else. It’s unfortunate that there’s such a stigma against the mentally ill that people are so afraid of being diagnosed as such that they would put their overall health at risk.

Williams, who has studied self-identified vampires for nearly a decade, finds they come from every walk of life and profession, including doctors, attorneys and candlestick makers.

“They are successful, ordinary people,” he said.

Except they are very, very tired. That’s apparently the chief reason they find a consenting adult willing to allow them to use a scalpel to make a tiny incision in the chest area so they can ingest a small amount of blood for energy, the study found.

I’m sorry, but I am going to be judgey here. I mean, I love “Buffy” just as much as the next 30-something feminist, but vampires are not real. Not to mention that, given the fact that Jenny Jones and Ricki Lake aren’t even on the air anymore, it’s not like pretending to be a vampire is going to get you any special attention or anything. Although I do sure miss those classic talk show vampire entrances that always included the weird tongue-hanging-out hiss thing.

No one is a “real vampire.” That is not a thing. If these people feel they have low energy and feel like they need to ingest blood to get normal, they probably should talk to a doctor. Maybe get tested for anemia or something, because that’s actually what it sounds like to me. Pica is often a symptom of that–like, sometimes I want to chew ice, and I’ve heard of other people wanting to eat dirt. You never know.

Really. Wouldn’t you rather just find out that you’re anemic and just have to take some damned iron pills (take these though, the other kind will make you nauseous), rather than have to find people who will let you cut holes in their chest so you can drink their blood? I mean, sure, it’s not as special and unique, but it is way more convenient.