Amy Schumer: “I Have Cellulite” But Still “Deserve Love And To Catch The Old D”

Glamour: After your amazing speech at the Glamour U.K. Women of the Year Awards [in which Schumer said, “I’m probably like 160 pounds right now, and I can catch a dick whenever I want”], one commenter on YouTube wrote, “If a man talked about catching pussy, the media would be calling him a chauvinistic pig.” What do you think about that?

Amy Schumer: I think they’re right. If a guy was like, “I can get pussy whenever I want,” that guy would be a dickhead. But to deny that there’s a major difference is ridiculous. For women, we’re taught to eat less until we disappear. And trained to believe that if you don’t look like everyone else, then you’re unlovable. And men are not trained that way. Men can look like whatever and still date a supermodel. I’m proud of what I said. I think it’s good to see somebody saying: I have a belly. And I have cellulite. And I still deserve love. And to catch the old D. And to not apologize.

Amy Schumer isn’t perfect — and it’s pretty absurd to expect comedians, of all people, to never ruffle any feathers — but I love nothing more than her brand of brash sense of humor and sex positive feminism speaks right to me. Schumer is on the cover of the August issue of Glamour and is interviewed by her sister inside the issue.  Among the topics discussed? Feminism. Schumer tells the magazine that being a feminist is a no-brainer:

“I don’t try to be feminist. I just am. It’s innately inside me. I have no interest in trying to be the perfect feminist, but I do believe feminists are in good hands with me.

Every woman deals with [sexism] most every day of their lives. Growing up, it’s just in your day-to-day. There are all these preconceived notions of what it means to be a woman or a girl, and straying from those ideas of femininity is sort of shocking to people. I felt angered by that as a kid. I felt like that was unjust. Like that was not right.”

Schumer appeared on this season of “The Bachelorette,” dishing a little girl talk with my tinier doppelganger Kaitlyn Bristowe, another unabashedly sex positive chick. I have a feeling she, like me, would cosign this next Schumer quote on casual sex:

“Do what you feel you want to do while also considering how you’ll feel the next day…. Don’t not have an orgasm. Make sure he knows that you’re entitled to an orgasm. I like to say it. I’ll be like, ‘Hey, there are two people here.’ I’ll be like, ‘Oh my God, have you met my clit?’ Don’t be self-conscious.”

Schumer, who stars in the upcoming film “Trainwreck,” told Glamour she wants to use her sudden fame to do some good:

“I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize. And I want a jet.”

Yes! But instead of a jet, I have a better suggestion: Can Amy please buy a large plot of land and set up a women’s only commune, perhaps modeled after the club owned by Jada Pinkett Smith in “Magic Mike XXL.” Because I would like to go to there. [Glamour via Just Jared]