Beauty IRL: Recommended Lipsticks For Specific Situations

Because it is your first time out of the house in a while, and you have just recently stopped crying for reasons better left unsaid — male problems, family problems, sister problems, friend problems — you feel its important to look your best.

You have decided to put on a bra for the first time in weeks. You have figured that it is okay to wear shoes that involve more than just slipping your feet into them and toddling out of the house. You feel comfortable acknowledging your body enough to wear something with a waistband that buttons. You are going to pull yourself out of it and you’re going to feel okay. But first, you have to go to the grocery store.

NARS SCHIAP

Recommended lipstick shade: One very heavy and precise coat of Nars Schiap.

***

A woman walked by today on the way to the train wearing a dress — floaty, cut to hit at mid-calf, strappy without being naked — and you immediately regretted every wardrobe choice you’ve made to date. Her lipstick was the perfect shade of apricot — a peach-y, punchy something that calls to mind fruit. “Guava,” you whisper to yourself as you swipe your Metrocard. “Papaya,” you say as you walk through the door of your office. There is a task that you should be doing right now, this very instant, yesterday really, but instead you are scrolling thru the depths of MakeupAlley reviews. You will find it.

ROSEBUD SALVE

Recommended lip color: The dull shine of a thinly-applied layer of Rosebud’s salve, dug out with a chewed-down nail.

***

You have somehow left the house without something crucial: Your bra, your keys, your headphones. Maybe you are hungover. Maybe you are just very tired. Maybe you got distracted by a single, wiry chin hair that you need to be present in the right light to pluck. Maybe you spent too much time the night before researching new jobs and looking into therapy and reading consumer reviews of the new shoes you were about to buy. Maybe you slept through your alarm and woke up a half hour later, harried and rushed and neglected to wash your hair. You should have washed your hair.

As you’re walking to the train you are convinced that it is you who smells funny. Each step you take reminds you that your bra, a vital component of your day to day, is still at home on your desk chair.

Recommended lip color: The first thing you pull out of your bag, applied using your front-facing camera as a mirror: Wet and Wild Perky Persimmon.

PURTY PERSIMMON

***
It is Tuesday, and because you are trying new things, you are sitting across from a very nice stranger who smells kind of good at a bar in a neighborhood you don’t really like. He has bought you a beer. You are drinking this beer because it was free and because you arranged to have this meeting on Tinder or OkCupid. It’s hot outside and it’s making you feel like maybe this stranger could be okay for the evening or maybe the next couple of weeks.

It is summer, a tan lingers on your skin, and you’re feeling a little reckless. He asks you a question about the things you texted about while you were catching up on “Nashville”.  It seems like this is okay, but when he’s in the bathroom, you text your friend under the table and ask her if it’s okay if you just bone him a couple of times and don’t tell anyone. She sends you a string of flames emoji. It’s a go.

LIME CRIME BABETTE

Reccommended lip color: The sluttiest baby pink you could find, which is LimeCrime’s Babette, duh.