People Who Ghost Suck, But People Who Ghost And Steal Your Dog Suck Even Harder

The universe is trying to tell me to take a breather from dating, I think. This week, the New York Times discovered “ghosting,” i.e. when someone you’ve been dating for months or years just DISAPPEARS on you, not bothering to, you know, break up or offer an explanation. This has happened to me a few times before, and I found it to be unbelievably inconsiderate, unkind, rude, disrespectful and cowardly. While ghosting is nothing new – and neither is the Times tendency towards calling something as old as time a “trend” – the timing of the article felt kind of personal, because I’m pretty sure I’m being ghosted right now. And really, even if I’m not being ghosted and the person in question is just kind of impersonating a ghost, does it actually matter? If someone you’ve been dating has been MIA for long enough that you’re sitting at home being like, Dammit, NOT AGAIN, it’s still rude and not very nice, you know? I ain’t here for that.

You know what else I’m not here for? Dudes who ghost and STEAL YOUR DOG WHILE THEY’RE AT IT. My dog Lucca just looked at me like:

Side eye.

A photo posted by Amelia McDonell-Parry (@ameliamagritte) on

According to DNA Info, Roxane Thompson, 46, who lives in Brooklyn’s Bushwick neighborhood, met a dude on the dating site Badoo six months ago. They hit it off and started dating. Last week, after staying the night at her apartment, the guy offered to walk her dog Terror while she tidied up and made breakfast. AND SHE HASN’T SEEN THE TWO OF THEM SINCE. Oh and also, some of her jewelry went missing too. WTFFFFFFFF.

This is my worst nightmare that I never even really considered before. It’s important to me that I date someone who at least is okay with dogs, though I’ve always given bonus points to dudes who were smart enough to see just how flawlessly perfect and wonderful and funny and smart and adorable my dog is. (Extra extra points if he’s down with her sleeping in bed, though that is not a requirement.) But now I’m realizing that maybe I shouldn’t be dating dog lovers. Lucca is so amazing that I could totally understand the desire to have her to yourself – now I’m terrified that it could actually happen. Let me be clear, guys who charm their way into my bed only to steal my dog in the morning, I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL  END YOU AND THEN LUCCA WILL EAT YOU. Just so you know.

The man in question, by the way, denies stealing the dog. He says that he and Thompson got into a fight, he walked the dog, and then he just left Terror in the yard with the gate open.

“I left the gate open… I just left the dog,” he said, explaining that he thought the dog would just stay in the yard. “It usually barks for her… I ran towards the train.”

Basically, in his rush to ghost her, he also allowed her dog to run away, putting the little pup in grave danger. (Let me also be perfectly clear to any guy who walks my dog and then doesn’t return her to me safely, my threats above apply.) No matter what, this guy is either an evil dog thief or an asshole who didn’t bother to make sure his date’s beloved pet was safe and sound.

Ugh, this is terrible. Fingers crossed Thompson gets her dog back, healthy and happy, and this cretin never gets laid again. [DNA Info]