Michael Douglas Is Very Sorry He Blamed Throat Cancer On Wife’s Vagina

  • Back in 2011, Michael Douglas famously told a reporter that his form of throat cancer was caused by giving cunnilingus — but that cunnilingus was also “the best cure for it.” As you might expect, this is wholly inaccurate, and Douglas is now backpedaling, saying that he was trying to “make a public service comment,” denying that he said anything about cunnilingus, and that he’s sorry about any embarrassment it caused wife Catherine Zeta-Jones and her family. [Defamer]
  • I’m sure Jessica Biel is a perfectly nice person, but let’s face it, the best reason to be friends with her is is her husband — you know, Justin Timberlake — might do a surprise performance at your wedding. [Us Weekly]
  • Rihanna has a new puppy! His name is Pepe and she … found him in a Los Angeles nightclub’s bathroom? No, really, that’s what she says in this Snapchat video recorded by a friend. And then her friend backed up her story in another Snapchat video, which shows a dog crate and pee pads, saying, “She literally just went to the club, came back with the cage, wee-wee pads, food, and a fucking dog!” Yes, I understand, but who the hell brings a dog to a nightclub and leaves him in the bathroom?! I demand answers. [Us Weekly]
  • Bill Cosby is doing his damndest to stop the Associated Press from having court documents from his 2005 sexual assault lawsuit unsealed. Andrea Constand, a former employee of Temple University, accused Cosby of drugging and sexually assaulting her and eventually settled with the comedian out of court. Cosby’s lawyer says the contents of those documents contain details about Cosby’s sex life and drug use that would “embarrass him,” which naturally only makes me want to see them more. [Uptown]
  • Today in “How To Perfectly Curate Your Image As Both A Girl’s Girl And A Guy’s Girl According to Taylor Swift,” Taylor adds Emma Watson to her girl posse and goes on a double date with her bestie and ex, Joe Jonas. [TIME; NY Daily News]
  • Help, why am I still so attracted to rat-tailed, freestyle rapping Shia LaBeouf?! It’s a sickness, I swear. [Nylon]