The “Bartesian” Is Like A Keurig, But For Booze

I love tech gadgetry. As the proud new owner of both a Roomba and an Amazon Echo, I dream of the day I can utter the words, “Alexa, fix me a strong drink” while I’m busily not-vacuuming.

Perhaps the future is closer than I think! The name of this robot, “Bartesian,” makes me want to kill, but the product itself looks like a pretty exciting innovation. Basically it’s a Keurig for cocktails.

The “pods” contain juices, mixes, and bitters, according to Eater, and come in only six varieties, for now. (The Bartesian scans a barcode on the pod and then knows which one of four types of booze goes into the drink.) Find, below, the Bartesian’s limited “Launch Cocktail Menu” — “launch” “cocktail menu” are inexplicably the three most anger-inducing words I’ve ever read, after the word “Bartesian,” but if it makes a mean margarita, what do I care?


The Bartesian doesn’t support whiskey, which I think is a mistake. What about my beloved Old Fashioneds? So yeah, that’s the bad news.

The great news, though, is that Bartesian’s cocktail pods are recyclable! Not even Keurig’s K-Cups are recyclable — a fact that the coffeemaker’s own inventor, John Sylvan, condemns.

Anyway. Wouldn’t this look great sitting next to the Sodastream? Cutest home bar ever! I feel like it’s most ideal for either a graphic design company’s lobby OR maybe in the cabin of a boat. (I’m not hating — I just ordered one, actually.)

The Bartesian expects to retail for about $400, but early adopters will receive theirs for a pledge of $250*.

*$300, once the $250 reward tier “sells out”.