Manly Man Totally Secure In His Masculinity Wants You To Use His Dude Stick
Lip balm — what a conundrum! If you are a woman, the options are endless. Here’s a chapstick that looks like a ball, rub that on your mouth. Here’s one that smells good and one that has color and one that you used in middle school when your parents didn’t want you to wear lipstick, so this thing was the next best thing. But, if you’re a Man™, how will you solve this problem? What, pray tell, can you use on your mouth to prevent it from cracking and bleeding, while still holding onto your fedora and the tattered cloak of your masculinity? Meet Dude Stick, from bro-trepreneur Spencer Sevy.
Here is his sad story:
The idea for Dude Stick came to me when I was rushing to work one morning and stopped to grab some lib balm at a gas station. My lips were basically bleeding and I was frantic for any chapstick or lip balm. When I looked at my choices, I was not too impressed. Some of the lip balm I was embarrassed to carry in my pocket, and others I know would just make them hurt worse. Above that, I did not see any lip balm that looked like something a man should ever have to carry. Then the idea for Dude Stick was born.
The ingredients listed for Dude Stick include the kind of things that any good lip balm are made of, including beeswax, peppermint oil and cocoa butter. It promises to be tingly, and comes in a “tactical matte black” tube, so, you know, no one calls you a sissy when they see you using it. Dude Stick seems like Burt’s Bees more aggressive older brother, the one who smells like old Carhartts and Coors.
Dude Stick also seems like a bad euphemism for a penis, which is a delightful mental exercise when you think of the kind of men this is targeting. If you’re so fucking scared of a regular tube of Chapstick, that smells like nothing and feels like nothing, then pull out this hardcore survivalist lip balm, smear it on your mouth and pass it over to your bro.
“Your lips look a little dry, bruh. My Dude Stick will take care of that.”
If you want your lip balm stripped of any traditional trappings of femininity or just want an opportunity to offer someone else the use of your Dude Stick, go to Kickstarter and help his ass out.