WWJDD: “I Am Losing My Real Tits To Breast Cancer & I Can’t Decide Whether To Get Fake Ones”

Editor’s Note

After multiple women accused James Deen of rape and sexual assault in November 2015, The Frisky made the immediate decision to end our affiliation with the porn star and to cancel his sex advice column with the site. In addition to believing it would be inappropriate to continue publishing sex advice from someone facing such serious allegations, The Frisky is firm in its commitment to believing and standing in solidarity with victims/survivors when they come forward. After serious consideration and input, we decided to leave the previously published columns up on The Frisky with this disclaimer, as we believe the glaring divide between Deen’s consent-focused advice and the rape allegations against him should be part of the public record. For a more thorough explanation on our decision to end this column, click here.

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“I’m going to lose my (epic) tits to cancer very soon. I don’t think I want fake tits. My husband tells me it’s my body and my choice, he’ll love me tits or no, but the idea of voluntarily, permanently putting something fake inside my already damaged body seems outrageous. But, I’m a girl. I really like having boobs. I really like how much he likes my boobs. Boobs are really cool when they’re not trying to kill you. Without them, I’ll just be a torso of scars. Weigh in on this for me, would you?”

I really fucking hate cancer. Both of my grandparents had cancer and I just had a friend die of cancer. I also happen to have another friend who had breast cancer, beat it, and dealt with a very similar issue to what you’re dealing with. She had these perfect giant boobs and after she got breast cancer, she had them removed. She was like, “I’m super tall and I want my fucking tits back.” So she went and she got big ol’ fake tits — but she still didn’t have nipples. Then she was like, “Now I need to get tattoo fake nipples on my tits, because they don’t look right without them.” She’s a bad ass and one of the strongest women I’ve ever known, and she still says, “When I have sex I want to do it doggystyle and reverse cowgirl, I don’t want to be on top,” because she still feels self-conscious about her boobs.  My point is, I understand that it’s a tough decision and that there is no ideal choice.

Breasts are confusing. I can’t even begin to imagine what stress, strain and emotional pain come with having breast cancer. It sounds terrible. Your breasts are deadly things that might kill you and you need to get rid of them, but I also understand that society has this subliminal treatment of breasts, starting at a young age, that sexualizes them more than other body parts. Big boobs, small boobs, BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS.  I mean, if I have testicular cancer, and I get my balls removed, I’m not going to go get fake testicles put in — but that decision is easier because testicles are not seen in the same light as breasts. They are sexualized differently. There is no comparable situation that I could ever imagine myself being in.

I wish I could give you a simple answer, but at the end of the day, it’s nobody’s choice but your own. Everything in life comes down to this: You need to look at the situation, the risks and the rewards, and decide what you want to do based on what consequences you can deal with. If you’re thinking, I don’t want to be flat chested. I want big boobs. Getting this surgery is going to make me feel more confident and more comfortable sexually in front of my partner, and you decide that, even though you don’t want to get fake breasts, those rewards versus the consequences are worth it, then you should make that choice. And the same goes for making the opposite decision, that the risks and consequences are not worth it. That’s a choice that only you can make and no one else can make for you.

I hope this is not patronizing and doesn’t undermine the severity of the situation, but one thing to consider is that, since you’re already having surgery on that area, it’s may be not as big a deal, both medically and emotionally, to get another surgery to put in fake boobs. And if you do get the fake boobs and decide you don’t like them, you can always remove them. Keep in mind that your decision in either direction doesn’t have to be permanent, nor do you have to make the choice now. Maybe you’ll see your “torso of scars” differently once it’s a reality. Maybe you’ll feel more confident than you would have thought. Who knows?

Lastly, beyond offering you sympathy and encouragement and telling you what you already clearly know, which is that you have the right to do whatever the fuck you want with your body, I suggest contacting support groups for breast cancer survivors. Maybe through them you can find other women who have been through this and can share what they did from their experiences. It might be more beneficial than asking a random porn dude that doesn’t have breasts!

Some options for breast cancer support groups:

Already known as a porn star, actor, director, producer, sex symbol, and star of our masturbatory fantasies, James Deen can now add Frisky advice columnist to his resume. Each week in his new column, What Would James Deen Do?, he’ll be offering his straight up, rock solid, no bullshit advice to YOUR questions. Want to know what James would do? Email your questions to [email protected]!