The New York Times Style Section Wants You To Worry About (And Spend Money On) Your Arms

Walk up to a mirror. Take a look. Do you have arms? Do they seem to be in good working order? Can you lift your phone, your bag, a computer, a small child, a bag of groceries, your cat, your dog, the weight of the world, your AC window unit, a six foot bong? Yes? Then you have arms. Good arms. Solid arms. Arms, dare I say, that are “ready for summer.” Before you congratulate yourself, the New York Times would like to inform you that your arms are not good. They are, in fact, in need of some help.

The Grey Lady takes on the issue of arms in the Style section, opening with a 44-year-old woman named Anita Kolka, who has an issue:

 “I’m fit,” she said. “I’m working with personal trainers, but it’s hard to have those nice muscles like a 20-year-old.” Her biggest gripe: When she waved her hands, her arms jiggled.

Ah, age, gravity, the fates conspiring against you to make it so that your arms belie your actual age. This isn’t so much a problem as a fact of life, but never fear, there’s a fix for that. It will cost you a pretty penny and sounds like a bunch of hogwash, like someone selling you a pile of dust from the street and saying that it’s magic. Instead of accepting the passage of time as calmly as you would a glass of ice water at a person’s house on a hot day, you can engage in “EndyMed 3DEEP, a radio frequency device that delivers heat deep into the skin to boost collagen treatments and produce a tightening effect.” It is worth noting that these treatments cost a cool $400 a pop, a totally affordable procedure for very few.

On Knowing Your Own Body
That's not arm flab, that's your tricep.

Vanity is an awesome thing. The fear of growing older and looking decrepit makes people do things that make little to no sense, and this is just another thing to add to the docket. You can waste your time worrying about your arms, or you can accept aging gracefully. Your arms, whether they are mottled, scarred, jiggly or taut, are your arms. They are capable of doing many things, including sliding into a sundress and swinging as you walk down the street. It’s okay to feel insecure about your body, because it’s perfectly natural. But worrying about things that are literally out of your control — because time is doing what it does, which is march ceaselessly forward, taking your body with it — is pointless. Relax. Your arms are summer ready, because they can open a bottle of rose and perform a passable swimmer’s crawl out into the ocean. If you want them to look better, drop and give me 20. It’s that easy.