Good News, Your Cat Most Likely Cannot Kill You

Cats, while adorable and charming and fluffy and entertaining, are largely useless. They poop in a box that you, their warden, must clean, eat food that they throw up immediately afterwards and spend a large portion of their day knocking items off the shelf and taking swipes at your feet as you walk to the fridge to get water. They’re the worst. What they are not, however, is cold-hearted murderers — not because they don’t want to, but because they physically can’t do it. They have puny, ineffective molars that are not well-suited for crushing meat, like dogs, or humans. Their tiny, teensy teeth in the front wouldn’t do anything if brandished as a weapon against you!

Rest easy. Sir Kitten Face Fluffy Pants can’t kill you. Yet.

[VICE]

[Image via Flickr/Tabako The Jaguar]