Sorry Lumbersexuals: Beards Are Apparently As Filthy As Toilets

I didn’t think it was possible, but I believe my love affair with full, lush, bushy beards may be over. Only one thing could com between me and my lifelong attraction to Paul Bunyon and his scruffy ilk: POOP. An Albuquerque, New Mexico, affiliate of ABC News conducted a study in which men’s beards were tested for bacteria, and the results were, well, SHITTY. While some of the beards had what’s considered a normal amount of bacteria (hey, we’ve all got some), others were “comparable to toilets,” with the type of bacteria you find in fecal matter. So all those times you furiously made out with some bearded hipster in a low-lit dive bar? Girl, there’s a good chance his gaping maw might as well have been the establishment’s porcelain throne. BRB, need to gag. [Business Insider]