Weekend Shut-In Worksheet: Get Sexy With It

READ

  • Momma Tried is an indie, conceptual, New Orleans-based nudie mag run by cool folks who could use a spare dollar or so to get their publication really up and running.  – Rebecca
  • If you’ve ever wondered about erotica (or maybe you haven’t!), but like me, cannot abide by Harlequin paperbacks with Fabio on the cover, Literotica.com is for you. It’s one of the largest, if not the largest, user-submitted erotic story databases online – and unlike other forums, literotica is clean, pop-up/malwware free, and easy to peruse. Every story is categorized into what type of sexuality story it covers, from the broad “Erotic couplings” (hetero sex, generally kink-free) to very specific kinks, including a few taboo ones, if you so choose. While you can’t go wrong picking from the literally thousands of stories, their search function is especially key: not only can you search by keyword, you can also search by any words in the story, meaning you can tailor your search to incredibly specific levels (maybe you only want to read porn when sex takes place at a country club, which, cool, you do you, search “country club” and go wild). You can also check off a box to make sure you only get “Hot” stories, which generally means they’ve been read by moderators and are deemed worth your time, rather than the shorter/not well-written stories submitted. – Beejoli

WATCH

  • Y Tu Mama Tambien for obvious reasons. – Rebecca
  • Secretary, naturally. – Claire
  • I mean, no lusty list of activities is complete without a little porn, right? Ladies (and gentlemen, for that matter), I seriously recommend becoming a member of JamesDeen.com, where you can get exclusive super sexy content from porn’s cutest Jew with an average-sized penis and better-than-average personality. You can do $29.99 for one month and just wack off like crazy for 30 days, or you can sign up for a full year for $9.99 and, you know, savor. No spam, no weird additional fees, no malware ruining your hard drive like those free porn sites — plus, James’s XXX offerings run the gamut from full-on films with high level production values to single-cam amateur scenes, all of which have fantastic lighting, thank you very much. – Amelia

MAKE/DO

  • Clean your vibrators/dildos/buttplugs/anal beads, you filthy, sexy animal. Here’s a good guide to cleaning your sex toys, from the doyenne of cleanliness, Jolie Kerr. – Megan
  • Whip up an “aphrodisiac super smoothie” and see what kind of magic happens. – Claire
  • I’m all about chocolate milk. Not the pre-mixed gallon jug grocery store kind, but the kind made with cocoa powder, using the magical recipe I am about to give you. [Side Note: Unless you are a casual baker, you probably don’t have cocoa powder, because why would you? I sure didn’t. I hesitated on buying any because I make brownies, like, never, and I am pretty cheap about $5, but in the 3 months I’ve had this tub of cocoa powder, it is all I use. Get cocoa powder. Trust me.] Anyways, this recipe is so good, it’s like drinking liquid chocolate crack. And as I was starting my first cup, I thought, Oh fuck, I’m going to drink jars full of this a day, but it’s just the right amount of rich to leave you not wanting another cup, but not too rich, so that you hate yourself, your teeth, and your slow metabolism after.
    • Sexy chocolate milk ingredients: 1 cup of cold milk / 1.5 teaspoons of sugar / 1.5 teaspoons of cocoa powder
    • Heat 1/4 cup of milk in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds, until it’s steaming.
    • Stir in the sugar and cocoa powder and mix a BUNCH until it’s all dissolved (it’ll look dissolved but cocoa powder is a tricky bitch, stir even more).
    • In a separate (read: not hot from the microwave) glass, add the 1/4 cup milk/sugar/cocoa mixture to the remaining 3/4 cup of milk.

    Drink, orgasm, repeat. – Beejoli

LISTEN
  • Aerosmith’s Big Ones is my go-to, because I have sexual feelings for Steven Tyler circa early nineties. — Rebecca
  • Seek out a sexytime playlist on Spotify that appeals to you most, or make your own based on this list of the most popular jams to get it on to. – Claire
  • Here is a good way to seduce literally anything, from your hot neighbor to that piece of pizza in the fridge: Put on Jessie Ware’s new album, follow it up with this playlist, prosper. – Megan