10 Blog Post Ideas I’ve Had While High And Never Followed Through On (Plus, A Poll!)
One of the benefits of smoking weed for me is that being stoned gives me really kind of fantastic blog post ideas. (There are obviously some terrible ideas too, but let’s not discuss those.) Sometimes I actually make those ideas a reality. This “Semi-NSFW Guide For Men On How To Dress And Undress For Maximum Sex Appeal” post, for example, came to me in a moment of stoned and horny brilliance. I do my best to note any random ideas I have throughout the day anyway, but as pot impacts your memory, this is especially necessary when I’m high. But as a result of my seriously busy workload and/or, uh, the realization that maybe some of these ideas are really just sentences not to be further expounded upon, many of these ideas never make it on to The Frisky. Until now. For starters, this post right here, this list of 10 Blog Post Ideas I’ve Had While Stoned And Never Followed Through On, was once one of those gems. Meta, I know. Here are 10 others, pulled from my email archives — vote on which one you’d actually like to see me write and I swear I’ll do it … at some point. When I’m not high.
1. Where In The World Are These Useless Hot Men? My notes include Jesse Metcalfe and someone named “Johnathan Ulrich,” whoever the hell that is.
2. Weird Food Questions I Want Answers To: For example, “Why does garlic turn green when cooked sometimes?” and “How can I make cold butter soften quickly without melting it in the microwave?” Buttered cinnamon raisin toast is one of my fave stoner snacks, but I always forget to take the butter out of the fridge in advance. Also, I don’t have a microwave anymore. Cold butter breaks the toast! WHAT DO I DO? These are the things that keep me up at night.
3. An Imagined Conversation About Man Buns Between Jax And Opie: “Sons of Anarchy” may be off the air, and Opie died years before the finale anyway, but is it really too late to imagine a conversation in which Jax Teller and his BFF have a heart to heart about man buns?
4. Literary Heroines Who Should Have Stayed Single: So, I was watching “Little Women” over the holidays — the one with Winona Ryder as Jo March — and was just newly peeved that this feisty, independent female protagonist ends up settling down and pushing out four little boy babies. The injustice! Jo should have stayed single and traveled the world as a famous writer, taking male and female lovers across the globe. And sadly, so many other literary heroines missed out on pursuing their true bliss thanks to the pressure to marry them off. This post hypothetically imagines how their lives would have been different had they decided to ban men instead.
5. The Cool Girl vs. The Nurturing Martyr: This was going to be a thinkpiece about how the oft-discussed “cool girl” trope, specifically that my version of “playing” the cool girl is complicated by my tendency towards nurturing, and how I try and sometimes fail to maintain my chill when not getting the same care and nurture in return. This is also the subject of every single one of my therapy sessions.
6. Things You Always See On Home Blogs: Ahh yes, a stoned attempt at satire. This hilarious listicle about the ridiculous styling seen on home decor and lifestyle blogs was going to include such gems as “living rooms that look like a hobo has been squatting there,” “bookshelves that are hollow and stuffed full of cocaine” (what?), and “a white down comforter spilling over onto a dirty floor.” That last one is legit though. People either need to raise their bed frames or tuck that shit like a normal person.
7. How To Fuck Someone With ADHD: This is one of my better stoned ideas and I’m totally going to write about it just as soon as I find that magical unicorn of a man who inherently KNOWS how to fuck someone with ADHD so I can impart his wisdom to you. I’M RIGHT ON TOP OF IT, ROSE.
8. What Does The Time You Messaged Someone On OKCupid Say About You? I came up with this idea for a infographic shaped like a clock/pie chart because the only time I am ever inclined to message someone on OKCupid is after midnight, right before bed. What vibe does a 2 a.m. message send to a potential suitor? Nothing good, I realized. Likewise, what does the message I got at 6 a.m. this morning say about the dude who sent it? Hmm…
9. My Theory On Selfie Faces: This is not a overarching theory but an observation that a lot of people, when taking selfies, make expressions that they think they make in all other photos/life in general. But because they can see their faces while they’re taking the photo, they alter their expressions in a way that ends up looking nothing like them. To be honest, the only example I have of this is former Frisky blogger Jessica Wakeman, who has never ever smiled in real life the way she does in selfies and it is hilarious to me.
10. Pimp My Shower: I hate showering because you can’t multitask while you’re in there and I have better things to do with that 10 minutes. (I like baths because you can basically camp out in the tub and live your best life while also cleaning off the funk.) That said, having to shower on occasion is unavoidable and thus I came up with this idea on, like, ways to improve the showering experience — both real and imaginary — so it’s less boring. I’m talking waterproof mounted laptops, foot-massaging bathmats, and built-in beer and wine taps. Who doesn’t want that?!
Vice Week is our seven-day exploration of all the indulgences that surely will ruin us sooner than we can imagine. But hey, what a way to go. You can check out all of our Vice Week coverage here.