Zosia Mamet Calls For “Conscious Cohabitating”

“…We’ve been taught that a ‘modern woman’ doesn’t need a man—or a label on her relationship, or a key,or a ring. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting all of those things. Sharing your life with someone and being an empowered woman aren’t mutually exclusive. The desire to be “just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her” (thanks, Notting Hill) doesn’t take away any of your “I depend on me”-ness. Independence, to me, has more to do with cultivating your own interests and relationships than with sharing a bed. When you move in together, it can be difficult to maintain that individuality. It’s all a matter of conscious cohabiting…

Ultimately, the power of a duo comes from its unique halves. And the more you let go of your traditions or tribe, the more you’re not you. I’m not saying you can’t evolve. I remember I wanted a zany paint color for our kitchen; he, a subdued one. Something deep inside me screamed like a caged animal told it could never run free: No! Now I realize I would have gotten sick of the fiery red; his caramel-latte-like shade greets me calmly every morning. I didn’t give up my desires; rather, I was opened up to something new. But if you’re constantly making undue compromises—you stop singing in the shower because he thinks it’s silly; you quit talking about work successes, as it makes him feel threatened; you neglect your best friend, since he isn’t a fan of her—be warned: You might wake up in five, 10 years, unable to recognize yourself or the person lying next to you. My two cents: Listen to and make space for your partner, but most of all do you—that’s who your human wanted to live with in the first place.

I want to throw the phrase “conscious cohabitating” into a fiery pit and never hear it ever again (seriously, of all the word choices!). But besides that, Zosia Mamet, who lives with her boyfriend Evan Jonigkeit in Brooklyn, makes some really great points about living with a partner in her latest Glamour column. I think most women fear losing too much of ourselves in a relationship, or depending too heavily on someone, or simply coming off as old-fashioned for enjoying companionship. It’s a confusing line to toe! I guess that at the end of the day it’s all about listening to ourselves and knowing what’s right for each of us as individuals — easier said than done! [Glamour] [Image via Getty]