PornHub Buys Jumpy Masturbator New Laptop After Mom Walks In On Him Wacking Off

So apparently, some poor dude was watching PornHub, and the site decided to freeze right when his mom was coming up the stairs. Logically, he did this:

>.< YOU COULD’VE CLOSED IT, DUDE. (Amelia pointed out that sometimes when you close it the sound keeps playing, so, fair enough.) Nonetheless, PornHub is a cool organization that understands the trials and tribulations of masturbation, so they offered to buy him a new laptop:

The stickers are apparently a joke, but the PC offer isn’t. Vice President Corey Price said, “We appreciate Denzel’s loyalty, as well as his clear sense of judgment in picking our site as a digital destination for some adult oriented R&R. As a result, we would like to send him a brand new laptop alongside some awesome Pornhub swag to use for his continued pleasure.”

I still have questions, though, like:

  • What porn was Denzel watching? (The real question here is: Was it really that bad, Denzel?)
  • Does he know that his mother has had sex before?
  • Does he think his mom doesn’t know that he masturbates?
  • And finally, who’s going to write a short story about a dude whose automatic panic response is to punch inanimate objects?

I guess there’s no hiding his porn consumption from his mom now that it’s all over the internet, though. Rough times. On the bright side, all of us now have one more reason to be PornHub patrons. Long live PornHub!

[h/t Cosmopolitan]

[Image via Twitter]

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