Rihanna Rolls A Spliff, Wears Fur, Urges You To Relax Because It’s Not Cocaine

Everyone was losing their collective shit today when video surfaced of a post-Coachella Rihanna hanging out in her trailer (?) with her frendz, listening to dancehall and supposedly, maybe, POSSIBLY AHHHHH doing cocaine. Here is the evidence produced by the general public:

  • That is a straw in her hand.
  • She’s rubbing her nose.
  • Nobody can see what is on the table, so it is certainly cocaine, as evidenced by the points above.

Is it true? As Rihanna’s star rises, is she falling prey to the ravages of Hollywood? Is she in love with the coco? I think not, pals. What I see is a woman with a cigarette in her hand, preparing to calmly roll a spliff, because that is what Rihanna does quite often.

Remember when Rihanna went to Coachella last year, rolled a blunt on the bald head of her security guard, and smoked it because she doesn’t give one single, solitary fuck?

2012 Coachella Music Festival - Day 3

Girl loves weed. To be fair, a lot of people love weed. Your mom might love weed, and maybe your therapist smokes weed like old people do, but he calls it “grass.” What Rihanna doesn’t love, however, is cocaine. Why do I know this? Because she’s clearly rolling a spliff in the video. That’s a cigarette in her hand, fools, not a straw. Besides, if Rihanna were to do a couple lines, I like to think she’d use at the very least, a fresh bill, not a drinking straw someone found on the ground earlier that day.

Perhaps the air in her trailer is dry, or the desert dust of Coachella made her nose itch. Maybe she’s rubbing her nose because allergy season is approaching and she forgot her Zyrtec. We’ll never know for sure, but I would take her word for it.